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Daniel and Gabor Mate

MDTSenior Contributor

Daniel and Gabor Mate

https://youtu.be/szDpwIBDk-4?si=WLmEhm_YCuDafk-o

Give this a listen. Very good stuff for internal family dynamics. I have found Gabor's work very helpful in the past. Very helpful actually.

Turns out him and his son have been working on family dynamic stuff.

Topical for me atm as I have really started to get the sh!ts with my parents. Idk if neglect or rejection is the correct word, but it's definitely a feeling of resentment towards them both for their focus and attention predominantly being directed towards my sister and her health.

As I've gotten older I've realized that they fussed and focused on her too much. My wife has a similar experience in her life growing up overseas.

The dynamic at play in my family growing up has fast become something I've focused so much on in the last year or so. I'm hurt. I'm angry. I'm upset. I've lost sleep. I've grown resentful.

My sister stubs her frikin toe and it's the end of the world, I end up taking myself to hospital for suicidal ideation and it's like oh ho hum ok we can help.

My sister threatens to jump off the balcony at home and tries to manipulate situations to her advantage. Your kids need to get bruises in life not scars, but I feel like mum has stopped the bruising and here's me telling them both on many occasions how she is struggling and they never see it.

Ever since I moved out I feel like they've been offended by it. In their actions they don't know how to respond to me and I don't ask much.

Today mum and dad will come over for dinner and I'm gonna be direct with them about next year's overseas wedding. I'm not interested in inviting my dads friends to it. They are not important to me and they seem like they are more interested in a holiday than actually coming to celebrate my wedding. I'm not here to provide a friggin buffet. It makes me angry and it's placing too much stress on me and my wife.

My sister also needs to grow the hell up and quit manipulating. Mum is exhausted. And dad is not longer the black sheep he used to be, he is changing. I'll be damned if I sit here and let my life get ruined because of their incompetence and my desire to actually want good things. I'm over it and I'm fed up

@TAB @Jacques @Shaz51 @Meowmy @Appleblossom

@SmilingGecko @StuF 

Anyone else there too

2 replies

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In response to: Daniel and Gabor Mate

AppleblossomSenior Contributor

Re: Daniel and Gabor Mate

@MDT Yes I have seen thier videos as father and son. Its great if we can get open discussion within our family systems, but not that easy to achieve.

In many ways I can relate to a lot of your frustrations. For me it was being the oldest and just earn more money or babysit, or visit, or rescue etc etc. I knew there were limited resources. Eg., Your situation growing up with a disabled sister and having your legitimate needs sidelined. I have seen similar situations where too much focus goes upon the so called vulnerable child, or conversely.... a so called golden child. Some extra focus may have been necessary, but not to the extent you have experienced.

If you have tried to have discussions about managing the situation with her, and getting attention for yourself, and they are not responding, I gues putting boundaries o protect your inner being becomes necessary. My mother was very defensive and it was like a steel wall, tighter than a brick wall. I had no choice but to self manage. Grow your sense of dignity and purpose and I wish you good healing. Your resilience and resourcefulness is inspiring, but thanks for opening up the struggles with authenicity.

Family dynamics are tricky. Parents are human beings with their own challenges, but for it to be dignified as being called a loving family, all of the voices in the family need to be heard and respected. Please Look after your needs, and dash of your wants ... lol .... So glad you have a partner. Enjoy those beaches.

On my way into the city. Keeping busy.

All my love

Apple

In response to: Daniel and Gabor Mate

StuFSenior Contributor

Re: Daniel and Gabor Mate

Sounds tricky to navigate @MDT

I hope you can work through it all

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