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Friends, families and carers

Exhausted

Exhausted

My brother who was early teen when he got Paranoia Schizophrenia. He is now 57 and in my care, we don't live together. It's been a very long road ups and downs. Thank goodness for NDIS and his support worker however I'm mentally exhausted myself. What are some ways that as a long time carer you take care to tune out to their needs and feeling like you don't want to abandon them but it's just too much. I do have a life of my own and get out etc however it's the heaviness felt in my heart for him, his future and will it be for my daughter to be his carer when I'm no longer capable.

4 replies

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In response to: Exhausted

Re: Exhausted

Hi @SimplyRed2026 , and welcome to the SANE Forums.

Supporting your brother through more than four decades of ups and downs reflects immense commitment. Many long-term carers here on the Forums will recognise the impact you describe, and I hope some of them will share what has helped them balance the emotional load and planning for the future.

A few supports that may also help:

  • Carer Gateway (1800 422 737) offers free counselling, coaching and peer support specifically for carers.
  • SANE’s RecoveryClub is a free six-month program for people supporting someone with mental health challenges, as well as those living with them. It includes 1:1 sessions, online groups and wellbeing resources. You can find out more and register here: https://www.sane.org/recovery-club

You’re very welcome in our Forums community, and we look forward to hearing more from you.

Warm regards,

Boris2024

In response to: Exhausted

Re: Exhausted

@SimplyRed2026 i wish i knew the answer to your question. it is an ongoing pain and stress that never goes away. i hate the thought that my children will have the responsibility of looking out for their brother when i am gone.... it breaks my heart tbh.

In response to: Exhausted

Re: Exhausted

Hi@SimplyRed2026

I don't know much about this area. The only thing I can think of is some sort of respite care to give

yourself a break.

In response to: Exhausted

Re: Exhausted

Honestly I don’t have the greatest advice, but over time (from long term care giving) I’ve learnt that I either take step backs as often as possible or it’ll happen for me/I’ll be forced (ie., I get incredibly unwell or bed ridden or have to stop working etc)

I find if it’s forced it’s a lot harder because it’s not so planned and managed, meaning there are more gaps in the care for my brother, I also find if I leave it until I’m so burnt out then I notice I tend to miss things (resulting in missed medications or gaps in support workers etc) and I react so much worse towards my brother, I’ll just be incredibly angry and reactive rather than calm, regulated and consistent (which can also triggers his symptoms) - so my only advice is notice what happens and what you need and listen to that as best as you can - and the cliche you have to put your oxygen mask on first before you can put on someone else’s!!! Take a break, whatever is actually feasible (and I mean days where he is someone else’s full responsibility, no decision making, no need for constant check ins etc) and notice the difference in how you feel or how you manage caring. You’re doing great, and it’s okay to look after yourself, in fact it’s even more than okay, it’s completely necessary!!

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