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Anxious in my relationship

sarahaaaNew Contributor14 Oct 2026, 1:13 pm AEDT

Anxious in my relationship

Hi, i am 20 years old and i am in a 3 year relationship with my boyfriend.

He is the perfect guy on paper, he is gentle, takes care of me and is very loyal. However over the last year and a half (i know a long time) i have felt especially anxious about our relationship. He has been unemployed for nearly a year now, not because he wants to be but because he continuously cannot find a job. He is genuinely looking and applying for jobs all year round but something doesn’t sit right with me. He has a stressful environment at home where he pays rent $700+ a month and has a ethnic family yet he’s still able to earn money through side hustles to pay that off and buy me food here and there (+ we went to bali this year) he makes things work but has no savings what so ever. I am highly career driven and motivated to make the most out of my life (very type A person). However the stress of him not having a job and me not feeling assured of his career path is making me feel anxious. i have always been anxious my whole life and i have learnt overtime that i need structure, reliability and intelligence in my relationships. He has proven to me that he is willing to adapt to be the man that i need but because he hasn’t had a job for so long i just feel emotionally burnt out. i worry daily and my intuition says something is off. This is strange because aside from him not having his job, he literally is perfect. I feel confused, anxious and lost on what to do and how to handle this. I feel like a lot of my time and energy goes into micro managing him in hopes of solving my anxiety. This issue leads to me resenting him, feeling stuck in my own life and having very low sex drive.

I don’t want to end this relationship for a multitude of reasons but staying in it, is constantly holding my heart down.

What do i do?

Note: we have spoke about this many times and he has shown me countless times that he is putting in the effort to get a job and wants to make this work!

2 replies

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In response to: Anxious in my relationship

JynxModerator14 Oct 2026, 5:29 pm AEDT

Re: Anxious in my relationship

Hi @sarahaaa welcome to the forums, glad to have you as part of the community :)

I'm sorry to hear that things have been so difficult for you and your boyfriend. It sounds like things have become very stressful for you, but I can hear how much you value his companionship despite these challenges. It sounds like he is very motivated to find some work, and wants to do right by you.

Job hunting can be incredibly distressing, disheartening, and overwhelming, especially after so long. I can hear how this is also impacting you. Sometimes when something is outside of our control, but still affecting us, it can make us feel trapped and helpless. In these times, often the most helpful thing we can do is focus inward, look at what we can control, and work on ensuring our own needs are being met - including the need for rest, respite, and internal stability.

Do you have a support system separate to your boyfriend? Friends and family you can talk to? If you haven't already, seeking some professional support may be a good idea too. You can speak to your GP about a referral for a Mental Health Care Plan to access some sessions with a psychologist, for instance.

You can also get some extra support with SANE's Recovery Club program. It's a free, 6-month program that includes guided and self-guided resources, mix-and-match support options, access to a portal with a library of recovery content, learning tools and resources, and recovery planning. You get five 1:1 sessions with a recovery facilitator and access to groups, events and webinars.

https://www.sane.org/recovery-club

Neither of you deserve to go through this alone. I hope that he is able to find something soon, and in the meantime, I hope you're able to find some peace.

In response to: Anxious in my relationship

AdoptDontShopCasual Contributor21 Oct 2026, 9:23 pm AEDT

Re: Anxious in my relationship

@sarahaaa I'm 34 and I've (sort of) been where you are, in my twenties I broke up with a guy I really loved and cared about because he was chronically depressed and couldn't build the life I wanted with me. He couldn't hold down a job, despite working the odd warehouse job and making constant efforts.

In hindsight I have never regretted it, although I occasionally think of him and wish things had been different. I know in my gut that I would have sacrificed my career, my goals and my wellbeing for him had I stayed in that relationship. He actually understood all of this and we talked about it (he really was the best guy!), and we stayed friends although we have drifted due to me having had other partners over the years (who haven't been supportive of the friendship due to our history).

I don't mean to sound patronising but you are so young, you sound so smart and full of potential... and you have so much LIFE ahead of you... my advice is put yourself and your needs first. Take a long walk, meditate on it, really delve deep into your gut and make the choice that feels right for you. If that means you need to find the courage to break up with him, then do that. You drive your life, and you should put yourself first. Don't ever let a man hold you back.

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