Newby who's beyond exhausted

Hi @beachbum 

I can hear your tiredness and want to validate it. CPSTD is exhausting. Your nervous system is basically in flight/fight/freeze all the time. It makes complete sense to be over it, especially when you’re doing all you can to get better and it’s not working. Is there anything you’re curious about for the future? Something that you want to see or have? Sometimes just having something you’re curious is enough to making staying easier. You are doing a great job just by being here and reaching out. Support can be frustrating, but when you find the right support, it can be life changing. Keep going. We are here for you.

Hi@beachbum

Sorry to hear that you are going through this. I too have Cptsd and completely get where you're coming from. I was diagnosed in April and have had therapy since. I am in constant muscular pain and exhausted all the time. I wake up with aches all over and feeling shakey in the morning it sux big time. I have had a little bit of EMDR but not all of it has been processed. I do all the regulating for the nervous system but it's still hard. It takes years to get out of this shit.

@Lapis_Anteater thank you so much for taking the time to even give me any effort, it's much appreciated.

As for the future goals or curiosity there isn't a great deal left in that tank at the moment.

I wish I could enjoy the beach like I before, it use to the rhw biggest thing to fill my cup, now I go and 9/10is cause me more stress that enjoyment.

I wish I could look forward to entering the work force again but again I feel that's impossible and not worth while for employees to have me on board.

I just keep trying the things because those around me tell me it's worth it - but I am not convinced myself.

@Misty7 I am so sorry to read that you are dealing with similar experiences. I thankfully have an awesome GP and therapist as part of my treating team that I would not change for anything- and I am aware that I am very lucky in that aspect and willing to acknowledge that.

I have attempted a few EMDR sessions before it was decided that it wasn't for me, I hope it has disrupted you too much as I know the impact it can have.

Mentioning the muscle pain helps me to feel semi seen -every single night I believe I am about to come down with the worst cold because of the way my body feels and how I react, every morning even tho I don wake up fine with no cold regardless of the pain and discomfort.

It's just so disheartening giving that I have to do the work for what others causes (in simple-'ish' terms')

Thank you both for taking the time and for replying 1<3

Hi @beachbum, your mention of muscle pain got me thinking - have you had a medication review? Sometimes the treatment can become a big part of the problem as psychiatric drugs continue to be added to an ever-increasing list and side-effects or withdrawal symptoms are mistaken for relapse.

Hey @beachbum 

That’s completely fair. It’s hard to remain curious when you’re suffering. I’m sorry the beach is no longer somewhere you enjoy most of the time. Hopefully that will change if things improve for you. Re-entering the workforce is intimidating, especially if you don’t believe you will be an asset to the company. It’s okay to let others carry the hope of getting better for you while you are struggling. I really hope that things will lift for you soon. Recovery can be a long process and it’s really easy to lose hope. So long as you’re trying, you’re doing great.

Hi@beachbum

You are welcome. You mentioned you feel like you are coming down with a cold and then nothing happens. I have had this for years until a new GP was able to tell me what it is. I don't know if you experience the same symptoms I get hot flushing on my face and body then feel knocked out. You could be having an adrenaline dump/ crash. What happens is that your body releases stress hormones i.e adrenaline and dumps it in your body and because there is no danger or threat it doesn't get used up and is in your body circulating around. Your body then crashes like you feel like you are getting a flu. It is shit cos you cannot function. It takes time to control it via box breathing. You might want to get your doc to check you for adrenal fatigue if you feel like it is getting worse. Here's an app you might find useful it's called unpanic

https://unpanic.app/

@Radder There has been no medication changes as of yet- however I think that will be changing come Monday. So at least what's going on right isn't because of that- but I definitely know I need to be more aware of myself and what's going on if they do make changes.

@Lapis_Anteater yeah it's hard. I keep doing the things but they ain't doing the things back,to fill me back up. My motivation is at an all time low and not feeling the benifits makes it harder. Recovery can be so frustrating at times but I know it's just a rollercoaster.

Yeah I think the workforce may need to wait a bit longer for a few reasons but mostly it just because I know I need to have that in my mind because it's what expected of me, instead of me really wanting it.

@Misty7 i definitely experience something similar, it's absolutely intense and a lot to manage. It's every afternoon/evening it will hit and before I got use to it I was 95% sure I'd wake up with a cold. It might be something to look into. My GP did mention that it may have something to do with all the adrenaline running through my body. I appreciate the sharing of the app.

I am just so so so tired. I am tired of being responsible and trying to do the right things. My brain is working so hard against me and wanting me to not be safe(I will be tho-just very begrudgingly). I'm tired of needing support and always being so much. I feel like a broken record. It just hurts on so many different levels.

I also feel guilty that I can't contribute much on the forums or back to the people so kindly giving me their time and effort, but I barely have capacity for myself and the moment.