Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

47,612Members
1,358,869Posts
1,400,000Visitors

Managing thoughts of suicide & self-harm

Feeling Lost, Hopeless and Alone

aDoraCasual Contributor08 Oct 2026, 11:02 am AEDT

Feeling Lost, Hopeless and Alone

I've always been quiet, introverted but resilient. But I have been struggling with depression for as long as I can remember, looking back I think it started during high school. We weren't educated about it in those days though, didn't speak up about things, just thought it was part of life. Once I escaped boarding school and started living my own life, I partied hard, made silly decisions and have lots of regrets that I still agonise over to this day. I reached a point where I thought I finally accepted that this was going to be my life. Lonely, few friends, nothing special and then I met who is now my husband. I thought I found someone who accepted me and loved me for who I am. Life has been challenging for both of us and we have had some massive fights where he has blamed me for things and claims I am not the person he thought I was. We used to talk, I used to tell him when I felt sad, but then he said it was making him depressed and he couldn't carry my burden, so I don't bother anymore. No one can fix it but me, it's not improving though and I don't know I can do this for the next 40, 50 years until life has taken its course.

I feel like a burden and I am so tired of being me. I can't silence the degrading thoughts and think about suicide daily. My biggest fear is failure and it would be just my luck that I couldn't even carry that task out successfully and be forced to live as a vegetable or with some other damage that I can't control. I have tried counselling over the last couple of years. Both times, after we had created a connection and working towards goals, they moved to another practice and I didn't get to follow. I tried a third psych this year but couldn't develop a connection and then my Dad became seriously ill and everything went on the back burner. I took unpaid leave from work and haven't been back in touch with them. I don't want to go back, I can't handle sitting in an office anymore. I've withdrawn from the few friends I have/had because I am always sad, feel like I am complaining about the same things. Their contact has dwindled and it feels like no one gives a f*#k about me.

3 replies

1 - 3 of 3

In response to: Feeling Lost, Hopeless and Alone

TollyModerator08 Oct 2026, 11:22 am AEDT

Re: Feeling Lost, Hopeless and Alone

@aDora It sounds as if you have gone through many challenges and I am sorry that you have had to endure much of this on your own as you cannot share with your partner a lot of what you are experiencing. We are so glad that you have joined us here on the forums and you are definitely not a burden, rather a resilient person who is trying to do their best. It is difficult connecting with counselors or psychologists, but I really hope you keep attempting, (we have the Recovery club sessions here?) I know it can sometimes feel as if people don't care and that's why it is so good that you are here as I know the forum community understands and can be so kind and that's what we need -some kindness some understanding that these thoughts and feelings and struggles are so challenging. Perhaps when you are ready you might find that there are other jobs which interest you more (maybe) you've outgrown the place you were at? Remember you are doing your best and taking one step and one minute or hour at a time, take a walk, a breath, whatever it takes to get through and sometimes we surprise ourselves and find more we want to do, or that we are doing better than we imagined possible in this up and down journey. Keep reaching out because we hear you today.

In response to: Feeling Lost, Hopeless and Alone

RadderSenior Contributor08 Oct 2026, 7:48 pm AEDT

Re: Feeling Lost, Hopeless and Alone

Hi @aDora

Just some thoughts on a few things you said.

"...have lots of regrets that I still agonise over..." I believe we learn in life through our experiences, both good and bad. You can read about or be taught about something and think you get it, but you don't really understand until you live through it. Such experiences are how we develop wisdom over the years. We can't change the past, but we can learn from it.

"...No one can fix it but me..." It's not that you are broken and need fixing, it's more a question of what experiences have happened to you that need understanding.

I'd urge you to keep looking for a counsellor/psychologist you click with, and with them explore what may have led to these feelings and what meaning/purpose you want to get out of life from this point going forward.

If you want to talk about thoughts of suicide with a peer who has been through similar, perhaps try https://rosesintheocean.com.au/peer-care-companion-warmline/. It may also help you feel less alone.

Please let us know your thoughts and how you go.

In response to: Feeling Lost, Hopeless and Alone

aDoraCasual Contributor09 Oct 2026, 9:38 am AEDT

Re: Feeling Lost, Hopeless and Alone

Thank you for your kind words.

1 - 3 of 3