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Having a child after parent loss

user26123New Contributor06 Oct 2026, 10:07 pm AEDT

Having a child after parent loss

Hey guys, I’ve never been one to post but my gp recommended for me to write down how I was feeling and have someone see it, and I have no one to really show. Long story short my dad and I didn’t talk from 2020 until early 2023. He than passed away in December of 2024 and I grieved him than but his last thing he said to the drs before his coma when that said “you can give up whenever you want no one is going to be mad” my dad said “no I have to wait for my daughter to have a kid first, I wanna see her be a mum” as that was my biggest dream. Fast forward until august 2025 and I found out I was pregnant with a little girl who was born in May. I’m struggling with the loss of my dad so much more now after having my daughter than what I did when he first passed. I feel lost and like I’ve let everyone down, I don’t know what the point of writing this is but I just honestly don’t know what to do anymore, I love my daughter to death but sometimes I feel like I’m a bad mum cause I have trouble to get out of bed or the realisation hits that my dad will never get to meet his granddaughter or see me be a mum when that’s the last thing he asked for.

i don’t really know what I’m asking other than has anyone been though something like this?

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In response to: Having a child after parent loss

SunsetSunriseModerator07 Oct 2026, 2:34 am AEDT

Re: Having a child after parent loss

Hi @user26123

It sounds like becoming a mum has brought your grief for your dad back in a really intense way. You’re not only grieving him, but also grieving the future you imagined; him meeting his granddaughter, watching you become a mum, and sharing those moments with you. Given how important that was to both of you, it makes sense that having your daughter has brought another layer of that loss to the surface.

Struggling to get out of bed or feeling overwhelmed by grief doesn’t make you a bad mum, and it doesn’t take away from how much you clearly love your daughter. It may be worth sharing with your GP just how much harder things have become since having her, particularly if you’re finding it difficult to manage day-to-day.

I hope writing some of this down has given you a little space to put words around what you’ve been carrying.

-SunsetSunrise ✨🌻

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