Feeling comfort in discomfort?

Hi @sasmate123 welcome to the forums.

First off, just letting you know I've added some trigger warnings to your post. You can do so yourself in the future, by using the symbol of an eye with a line through it in the text editing box.

I appreciate you sharing your story. It sounds like you've been through some harrowing experiences, which has shattered a lot of your trust and left you very isolated in trying to deal with the aftermath. I'm not here to diagnose you, but it sounds like you may be experiencing some PTSD or even C-PTSD (you can read more about these in our Factsheets. PTSD: https://www.sane.org/information-and-resources/facts-and-guides/post-traumatic-stress-disorder and C-PTSD: https://www.sane.org/information-and-resources/facts-and-guides/complex-post-traumatic-stress-disorder). I believe it's not uncommon for folks with PTSD/C-PTSD to experience what you're describing - a sense of comfort in the uncomfortable. Our nervous systems run on habit and familiarity, and when we've experienced a lot of distress (especially many instances over long periods of time), it can result in further seeking out experiences that are familiar, even if they are distressing, because they feel safer than what is unfamiliar.

I'm glad you've found this space to share, and hope you're able to find some connection and support in the community. You may also be interested in joining SANE's Recovery Club for further support as you navigate what next steps you may want to take to support your healing journey. More info/register here: https://www.sane.org/recovery-club

All the best :)

hi Jynx, sorry, didn't know I could add a content warning there but ill do that in future. thanks for the reply.

@sasmate123 man reach out. Stick around. We need you.

@sasmate123 Welcome to the froum

Maybe you are going through a transition period. Working out where your values really are. Give yourself time and space and self respect, even when others will not.

My personal thing about tidiness is ... approximately clean and tidy ... I could not stand the Home Beautiful crowd... find your own balances through the chaos of life. Doing things because they matter to you. I used to be an introvert most of my life, but am finally getting to be extrovert lol...... maybe nothing is cast in stone ... except stone.

Hello@sasmate123

You are very brave for sharing what you have been through. Unfortunately there are people that should never walk this earth as they bring nothing but hurt and misery to others. They are bottom feeders and don't deserve to be here. I am so sorry that you have gone through so much hurt. No one deserves to go through this. You deserve compassion and care and good things in life. Have you had any therapy for the trauma? Have you been in contact with victims services in your area? There is also the blue knot foundation that does phone counselling and specialises in trauma. Feel free to ask any questions. Please be very kind to yourself, your body has been protecting you for a very long time. I forgot to add that I find these 2 apps helpful they are free https://unpanic.app/ and Soma share https://www.somashare.com/

i havent got help for trauma but general mental health yes. it could be more helpful and targeted but theres always hundreds of things to talk about in an appointment and sometimes i go on random tangents. there is victims of crime support here and im in the process of writing a statement for them, it was easy for me to detail 5-6 pages because the thoughts were on a roll. thanks for sharing those apps, other than signing up to these forums and watching my comfort youtubers all day, it will give me something to do.

Hi@sasmate123

You are welcome. Glad you are seeking help. A trauma psychologist is different to general mental health. They will help your body learn safety as it would be very hypervigilant. They do this by breathing exercises and other techniques. Once you reach a level of safety they may do EMDR with you to help process it. You don't have to talk about your trauma. Remember you are not broken. You are worthy. You deserve better, not crappy people.

Trauma is a psychological injury not just a mental disorder. It's an injury to your nervous system which is not your fault. Your body remembers and your mind suppresses. What happened to you is none of your fault. Sending hugs

This made me smile with some hope. I appreciate your kindness and wisdom, and that of everyone else here. I'll make an enquiry to pursue some trauma therapy :)

Hi again @sasmate123

I forgot to mention that on the unpanic app that the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique can be used when you are experiencing flashbacks or intrusive thoughts. It brings you back to the present moment,the more you use it the better. The boxed breathing technique can be used immediately. I recommend doing this 10 to 15 times a day. Use the boxed breathing for when you are feeling stressed, scared, distressed and panicked. The other app is more for the body. They are meditations to help you relax and help with some of the body aches and pains.

This technique called TIPP can be used for intense fear, panic, anger any sort of emotion.

When anything feels extremely overwhelming or you feel like your heart is racing or you are going to have a panic attack.

T - temperature

( I stick my face in a bowl of cold water and blow bubbles for 5-6 sec. You can add ice cubes to make it colder). This will relax all your back muscles and put your body in a relaxed state and get it out of fight and flight)

I - intense exercise ( I usually march on the spot for 60sec)

P - paced breathing

P- progressive muscle relaxation

Here is a link that explains it. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=psKCII8sTnQ