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Managing relationships

Avoidant and bad communicator

RobMathesonNew Contributor

Avoidant and bad communicator

After flirting and having crushes on each other for months, we finally went on a date. We have since had a mostly beautiful romance and relationship. When we have conflict, I clam up, can't express myself and literally shut down. My usual instinct is to run so I can regulate my emotions. My partner has abandonment issues when I do that. She is extremely good at expressing herself and her emotions. I am not. I need help in how to open up, talk and express myself when I feel attacked so we can get back to love.

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In response to: Avoidant and bad communicator

AppleblossomSenior Contributor

Re: Avoidant and bad communicator

Women often express themselves more verbally than men. Big generalisation I know. Its not always good. I am a woman and wish a lot of women would learn that communication means to relate to the other, not just blurt or blab or verbally bulldoze, without thinking of the consequences. Congratulations on caring about her and about communicating well. Go easy on your self rather than calling yourself a bad communicator. In the grand scheme of things your being has rights too, including silence, tongue tiedness or hesitation.

There are so many aspects of living and emotional life that is preverbal and it can take a while to find ways to express well ... use the range ... of humanly possible options ... respect your own boundaries and style.

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