In complete dispair

I am so sorry this is happening to you. I don't think you're a fool, I think you have done your best in the situation. I have cheated on my wife, because of my schizophrenia, and because I am weak willed and hedonistic. It does not mean that for a long time he did not love you or that he did not aspire to the same dream as you. It just means he is a weak, fallible man; like all of us. My wife does not know how much I appreciate everything she does for me, I tell her, but that is not enough to convey my appreciation. I do what I can but that is not enough, she still does not believe.

Lately I have been thinking of leaving, not because I don't love her but for two other reasons. The one that came on first is that I do not do enough and that she would be better off without me. And the second, she has slowly gotten better at expressing her emotions since her best friend and her little girl moved in (after her best friends' relationship broke down with another damaged man). It's great that she has gotten better at expressing her emotions, and not holding on to all that stress, but even though I have gotten much better at adsorbing her emotions it is a lot. I feel like I'm constantly walking on eggshells, I can't sit alone with her without feeling stress and anxiety. It's like whenever we talk its always about what's wrong with me, or what is going wrong generally. I guess my advice to you and me after that rant is to try to bring joy back into your relationship if you get the chance. Relationships are not sustainable if the constant is pain and stress, you need to find joy.

Thank you, I appreciate your perspective very much and you're right about too much stress and not enough joy

Loneliness is very hard to combat. Feeling alone is the hardest feeling in the world. I am going thru it. You are not alone.

i hear you.

take baby steps one day at a time.