Falling behind

Howdy, this is my first time trying something like this so I’m not really sure what I’m doing.

I moved out of my parents house about a month ago, my I was in a very controlling and abusive situation. I left in my pyjamas in the middle of the night after secretly smuggling things to my partners house for six months. It’s been a lot. I know I’ve gone through a lot. I still can’t help but feel like I’m falling behind though. I’m almost 20, I’m in uni and I want to be a screenwriter and eventually open my own production company: but I’m not writing anything. I keep applying to grants and projects and fellowships and I keep getting rejected. I had a falling out with my best friend at the beginning of the year, he produces films and because of our fight he has blacklisted me from every film set at my university and discouraged others from working with me. My friends (what few talk to me) are all in uni for science or medicine or engineering. My friends who are in the arts are having works published and being in plays and musicals and films. Someone I grew up with now has their own production company, my dream job. My partner has just taken a massive step in her career and I’m so proud of her. But I’m not doing anything. I can’t seem to write anything good or even interesting enough to be noteworthy to anyone. My friends are all busy being in their 20’s and going out and partying and having lives while they all win awards and grants and fellowships, and I’m just; not. The final straw for me was failing an assignment for uni, it was only worth 10% but still. I was so distracted I missed the point of the assignment and made massive spelling and grammatical errors. Needless to say; I’m falling behind. I want to be good at something. I want to have something to talk to people about and to be proud of something I made. Writing was the one thing that I had that I though I was good at, nobody else in my life wanted to be a writer so I wasn’t fighting with anyone about it. But maybe I’m not. Maybe I wasn’t good at it after all. It seems like every time I try to pitch a new idea, a new story, a new script it always seems to fail. I’ve never been “award winning, high distinction, school dux” worthy at anything, but I though I was ok at this. I’m just tired of feeling like I’m bad at everything and if I keep falling behind I’m scared I’ll never catch up. I don’t want to be a failure anymore.