TW: Suicidal Ideation.

Hi

I am currently seeing a psychiatrist who wants to contest the schizophrenia diagnosis that I was given back in 2020. They believe that I actually live with bipolar disorder (along with autism spectrum disorder), which, to me, makes a lot of sense.

I already know that there is something innately wrong with me. People do not want to befriend me. They do not want to know me. They do not like me. I know this for a fact. I have noticed that my family are not immune to this either. [Edited by moderator] I feel that my grandmother thinks that I am a nuisance, as she has already told me that my chronic health condition is something that she does not want to put up with. I never hear from my aunt, uncles or cousins. I still live at home, as I enjoy my parents' company. I pay my board and I help out with housework. I am unemployed, and in the midst of waiting to hear if Centrelink have accepted my DSP application or not. I am incapable of working. I do not want to annoy my parents about my problems anymore. When I spoke to them about having strong feelings of attraction for an older man (who confessed that he liked me back), they completely shut me down. These people (my parents) are the only family I have left. Also, I often have intense outbursts, as I have faced a lot of judgement and discrimination throughout my life. I had a large group of friends in kindergarten and primary school. As I went through school, these friends left to go interstate or to another school. High school was the worst - I was bullied to oblivion. I was bullied to the point I was denied an education, and therefore, I quit school at a young age. I do not know what it means to be happy... or neurotypical.

I have been detained under the Mental Health Act four times throughout my life - once as a teenager, and three times as an adult. I have been offered to stay at a community rehabilitation space for a minimum of 3 months. It is voluntary, and I can exit the program whenever I want. I am seriously considering in staying there. Despite already checking the place out, I do not know if I will be safe there. It is not so much the staff, it is more the patients. I just do not know what to do.