So broken

Hello @brokencountrygi, I'm so sorry to hear of the huge amount of loss that you've experienced in a short time. I can truly understand what you're going through, 2 of my niece's took their own lives in December 2025 and March this year when they were only 17 and 18, my uncle passed away on the same day that my niece did in March, there's also been many friends that I've known in the past 8 months that I've lost.

Like you I struggle to accept it or process it, it doesn't feel real, it can't be. Grief isn't straightforward and there's no right or wrong way to begin to process things. Please know that you're not alone, we're here for you. Sending you hugs if you'd like them ❤️.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. All of that so close together is overwhelming, and no-one should be expected to get through that alone.

In a kinder world you would have your grandparents with you, to help you heal from your miscarriages.

I lost my dad in 2023, and he was the person in my life who always managed to say something that would help. Something I realised recently is that his love for me isn't gone; it lives inside me every time I'm kind to myself. He taught me to love myself, because he loved me so much.

So now, when I'm overwhelmed I write to him as if he's still here. And I imagine what he would say, or what he would do. I close my eyes and imagine his bright smile, his tight hugs, the way he would spin me so fasr when dancing. It hurts that he isn't here to make new memories, but his love made me stronger. So when I'm feeling weak, I borrow some of that strength.

@brokencountrygi That is a massive amount of grief. Nothing I can say will change it. Being kind to yourself is probably the best way forward. Maybe wrap yourself in protective cocoons as you find a way to honour the separate griefs and your own process.

I had a year of massive grief 40 years ago. I researched and tried things, and in time it does become easier to bear. One tip was to to externalise your grief about an individual onto some object outside of yourself, that represents the person... like a gift, or belonging, picture or other token... eg a candle... whatever has meaningful association for you. Somehow gradually, allow the object to carry some of your grief load, whether for your babies or grandparents. It can also be a big swirling undifferentiated set of feelings. Grief does change with the passage of time. One time you may feel burdened, another sad and longing, and then sometimes we can feel joy at a good memory. Gradually, the weight may ease, and some of the experiences that @mj08 mentioned may come more and more. In that way, we can carry our loved ones within ourselves, and gradually adapt to life without them living in the world. Gradually other people can enter your life.

Gently bently

apple

Hey @brokencountrygi 

I’m really sorry for all the grief you have been going through. It’s not fair at all. It’s perfectly natural to compartmentalise how you’re feeling just so you can continue to survive. Give yourself all the time you need to grieve. Unfortunately, there is no schedule and no set time for things to feel easier. My psychiatrist recommended creating a room in your mind that the person you lost would like and to spend some time interacting with them. I’m not sure if you’ll find that helpful but it helped me to feel like the person I lost was less far away and like I still have a part of them. This community is here to support you whenever you need.

So sorry. That is a lot to process. I am encouraged so many have reached out to express their support as I do. If you listen to podcasts, there was one on this week on ABC Conversations with Sarah Kanowski which explained that there is not a set of 5 steps and that is it. That grief is non-linear. It resonated to me as I had some grief especially that led to a hospitalisation and I found that by lighting a candle with ambulance workers that that was something that validated it in my mind and heart.