Support Without Taking Your Choices Away

Late last year I was having very suicidal thoughts. About February there were improvements and then some set backs again. Come the 1st of August was the date that I had set for myself. I was doing ok until the day before and then the 1st. A few things went bad and when analyzing my life I realized not much had gotten better and my daughter who pushed me to this point had run away and was using drugs. The police would not file a missing person's report because she had responded to a few message sporadically and they would not do a welfare check even though she was most likely 1 hour away from me. She was most likely at a drug dealer's house and they police would have even had reasons to search the place if she was under the influence when they turned up and she most likely was. I was told I should go and check myself which would have put me in the situation where they could have beaten me up and said I started it or if I took friends with me it were looked like I was going there to start something. Little loaded being a drug dealer's house and the police is supposed to take these people off the streets not protect them.

So on the day that I was meant to do the deed I was feeling pretty low and surprisingly if the first time in over a month I was very seriously considering doing it. The only thing I had control of in my life was whether I take my life or not. So I turn on a VPN and connected to a VPN server in Australia and then contacted beyond. Pretty much the first question they asked me is am I safe. I understand they need to ask this but I didn't want to go into that conversation that didn't want to lie but I didn't want to say I wasn't and then they try to find out where I am and get the police or someone to intervene and take the last bit of control of my life away from me that I have. I tried to talk about what was on my mind but they just kept saying we can't do anything until you let me know if you're all right so I ended the conversation. So my question is simple does anybody know any kind of support it doesn't want to push you around take your options off the table that seems beyond Blue would rather be hang up and go do something stupid then not enter their question and really you have to question if these companies are actually here to help you or not.

Say a simple question is this somebody I can talk to when I'm feeling down there will not refuse to talk to me unless I tell them I'm safe and lie to them?

By the way I'm not doing too bad now apart from the lapidary club the location because decided that I am stuck piling stones to sell it the markets which is complete BS I just buy pretty Stones because they're pretty it's called retail therapy. So I've quit the lapidary club which was one of the things keeping my brain stable as you're only thinking about making that stone look the right way and not the rest of your life. I don't want to go in there and have a confrontation in I don't want to go in there and feel like people think that I'm breaking Club rules and dishonest or anything else like that. It's really crap because there's other members there they've got far more stones and crystals of things then I have for some reason they've decided to pick on me.