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Is this an apology?

FringeDwellerContributor22 Mar 2017, 6:23 pm AEDT

Is this an apology?

I have started to tell my mother more about my mental illnesses (depresion and anxiety) in the hopes of improving our strained relationship and so she can see what I'm going through, maybe support me, or at least see that I am trying the best I can to deal with it.

She has asked where do some of my thoughts/behaviours have come from and I've explained that it has sometimes been the things she has said or done.

The last conversation we had turned into an argument when I mentioned something she had previously said and how it was affecting me now, we had never discuss this before, and her response (big sigh) "I've already said I apologise for everything so I don't understand why you are bringing this up. I've apologised for everything"

Am I being unreasonable because I'm not accepting "I'm sorry for everything" as an apology for things that have never been discussed?

I'm not actually looking for an apology, I brought it up because it had been on mind and causing anxiety, and I wanted to know if she still held the same beliefs/attitude.

Is this gas lighting?

Any advice on how to deal with this/her?

3 replies

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In response to: Is this an apology?

HappynessSenior Contributor22 Mar 2017, 6:35 pm AEDT

Re: Is this an apology?

I don't feel i need to apologize to people as apposed to...

Because deep down i keep apologizing to "Jesus" and the christian "God The Father"

In humility and heartfelt redemption i ask for forgiveness and wait for the fruits of forgiveness

I believe one day things will get better and i desperately wait for things to get better

One day things will get better

In response to: Is this an apology?

Unknown userMember22 Mar 2017, 6:37 pm AEDT

Re: Is this an apology?

My parents can't apologise about past wrongs either. They just cognitively cannot do it.
You're mum is not accepting that she may have done the wrong thing and is saying what she thinks will get you to stop.
I personally gave up and just accepted that this is how they are. This may not work for you, but you cannot make someone recognise what they have done wrong and apologise no matter how hard you try. I would re-evaluate what kind of a relationship you would like with her and let that guide your actions.

In response to: Is this an apology?

CherryBombSenior Contributor22 Mar 2017, 7:48 pm AEDT

Re: Is this an apology?

@FringeDweller

An apology, for me, is not just words strung together that makes a sentence that merely states, 'I'm sorry'. It more than that, it's followed with behaviour to ensure that whatever created this situation does not happen again.

It takes a lot of guts to tell someone how their behaviour as impacted on you. If you've not done this before with your, than it's understandable that she may get defensive. If her response is having a negative impact on your, perhaps set some boundaries around it, and again, let her know why and the impact that it has.

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