Hey @ManeTeddy - and a warm welcome to the forums from me.
It sounds like you've been going through a whole lot. And those thoughts that are overwhelming your brain sound really scary for you.
I'm really glad you're reaching out here for some community support. Because you are definitely not the only person who is trying to cope with unwanted thoughts and poor sleep. I hope you are able to find some solidarity with others here.
Even though you're not alone in feeling this way - the things you're describing don't seem normal 😓 and I think it would be very much worth looking into it all with a doctor or mental health professional.
If you've got a GP you like - you can tell them that you've been struggling with unwanted thoughts and nightmares. They should be able to set you up with a mental health plan which can help you get some free sessions with a psychologist/mental health professional. Or the doctor can run some other tests to see if there's anything else going on. And most importantly - figure out how to get you back to feeling well 🤗
Another thing you could try is calling somewhere like Lifeline who can talk to you through a crisis. Please do reach out to them if the thoughts get too overwhelming or you're struggling to keep yourself safe.
Don't give up! Living with paranoia and nightmares can be so exhausting and scary. But you deserve support in figuring out how to move through this.
I hope to see you around the Forums.
Bandicoot