I dont Know

Hey 👋🏼 @butwhy22 Welcome to the Forum. My family has 3 generations of ADHD, dyslexia, anxiety, depression. Autism and PTSD are the latest editions.

Have you got support?

I’ve moved country as my mum and siblings live in Australia, but I’ve been borrowing money from her to pay for things like car registration because I’ll use my money on things I don’t need. I also just can’t really be bothered,but other then that no. I also find talk therapy to make everything wayyyy worse. I take meds so I guess that’s support aswell. But other then that I have no friends and corporate is not a very friendly environment. I need to focus on building routine and paying back my mum, it’s just I am so so alone. I feel it constantly, stops me from actually improving

sounds like you could do with some good advice , but would you take it as you say. I had similar path , good jobs, terrible jobs ,ok beyond terrible jobs, missed opportunities, believing opportunities that were never really there. bit hard to blame childhood like 50 years later, but yeah. Welcome. have a look around. you will find people or they will find you. Sounds like you are in the right place for a bit of understanding/self-reflection/god forbid, action. I've been on here 10 years now after crisis led me here. i was rich man, poor man, ok already did beggar man, thief ha ha now practically retired, mainly due to health.

@butwhy22

@butwhy22 whoa wth, i heard myself at first but then i discovered there are some objective differences, however i don't know what to say that won't upset someone, i have been struggling almost identically with most of the issues you wrote and i feel like the ever revolving loop (and i wonder if you agree) is i break, reachout on a charged emotional level and am met with systematic responses (i too have no one) so be it from a support line or a proffessional and their words mean nothing to me, they talk about recovering and wellbeing on a purely nuetral or proffessional dialogue, like you i just want to be rescued but i am way past that in my mind and still there physically that means i've spent my time thinking and processing and figuring out (often purely on an intuitive level) how to get what i want, and yet i can't embody the physical part of that because the child within me is just standing there waiting, i have also been told endless times i am the only one who can etc etc and i like you have adapted that mentality without successfully embodying it, i WILL unlikd you use a justification here ---> there are so many people...we are people/a species/almost identical from an outsiders perspective, there is no definitive purpose of my life/your life/any of our lives, and so given the context i/you/we (in my view) want to atleast guarantee a smooth ride, so the sensical/logical/practical mentality is to help eachotherrrr, if i lack in an area that is simply blocking me from receiving experiences and someone else could theoratically help me and vice versa then...like why.dosn't.anyone.else.think.the.same.? Point made. And.why.must.they.continue.their fasuade. I will list 2 as examples 1. Happy open minded positive driven non judgemental accepting loving people who's doors are always open and are willing to do whatever rhey can to help...well you vaguely reach out and they either "feel they are not equipped to help/dont resonate with you/or they may turn your story back at you with "sounds like your very intelligent, im sure you'll be alright"indirectly invalidate you...or they take the condescending route, "have you tried reaching out to someone about this"/direct you to a mainstream organization/unawaringly have transparent body language that tells you they have convinced themselves your "unwell" and want to dismiss you asap, then proceed to "meet you at your level"...(sorry this is taking tok long all i really wanna say is I (i dont know about you) um me/you? Need to meet alike people, but where have all the jolly adhd people vanish, did they grow up while i remaindd stuck are they faking stability or convinced they are handicapped...so really i shoulsnt say all this but can you blame me!!?? I already started....#2 are the people who diminish while also indirectly invalidating you, your subjective experience, they represent (to you at the time/for excusable reasons such as society's collective moral values flowing on you. People who are in a position to help you, and then they proceed to encourage you to be happy/not cry (BY ALL MEANS DO NOT BE SAD, THAT GOES AGAINST THE WHOLE FANTASY WE'VE ADAPTED) they want to convince you you have done so much because you already reached out or whatever, they dont understand, that wasnt hard, these are just influenced mentality's that get past along until they reach me, who thinks about it, questions it etc..i mean im drifiting, basically they tell you how you should feel and disregsrd negative emotion so you can never get to the point or they filter out the core issues you mention (because they cant help you there) and your words become a game of chineee whispers you did not sign up for as they "understand from what your saying that, etc etc." And they have 0 ability to admit they cant help so they will send you on a wild goose chase. I cant even remember anymore what i am doing by the wah this is the first comment i made, i jusg skgned up and looked at like 3 posts and saw yours and te'h i figured...it sounds good enough i just mean on the terms that i can relate to

The drifts are long with me but i want to declare my point of support for anyone/you reading who does not seem to see anything other then a rant and i may be proven wrong and if so i should be banished from this these forum lands and never to ret...no jk ok the point is im not offering (another abstract concept) any objective solution because that's not how things work right? Im simply attempting to connect, im sharing a brief insight of what its like to perceive exleriences from my mind, i still do this...ever since i was a child hoping just to meet those few who click with me, and when you (most likely) think of me as some one ranting nonsenee then thats ok, (it has come to that as i have such a massive build up of unprocessed thoughts) but never the less if your exlerience was that of relatability and that most likely comes with some charged emotions (the way we connect or so i understood til my early 20's...?) Then walla! You now have a friend, get a big rush of dopamine, and the objective solutions get one step closer to YOU accomplishing them as you now have a source of motivation/an outlet to declutter a chunk of thoughts/possibly (depending on the person i.e. me) something to learn further about the way you function. And the rest sorts itself out (whatever does does, whatever dosnt, dosnt.)

@butwhy22 mate we only get one meat-sack, there’s no do overs.

Do you like who you are?

Hey there @butwhy22 Im glad you have reached out to the community here on the forums and found support. I hear that things are really tough for you at the moment, I also see someone who's reaching out, and with hope you start to feel that support on your journey knowing here at SANE we are one avenue of services amongst many. Keep talking, and sharing, and reach out if its gets too much. I think its always helps knowing we never have to walk the path alone.

Lee_Lee_Light 💟

Death - my limited, yet more experienced observation is..."it's another thing we shall not speak of for it sits outside the social boundary lines, (if your ill -> get better quick/if you speak of death -> speak about life or be labelled suisidal (looked down on sympathy at best) to me it is another core element of life worth thinking/pondering/contemplating - why? -> without falling stars (the death of suns) planet's cannot be born (please excusd my limited scientific knowledge that's how i understand it), dead flesh "rot's" into the earth giving nutrients to the earth -> trees/plants | the death of a gazel is the life giving meal to a pack of lions, it is within the core motion to the circle of life and if your a philosopher/a thinker/ a living entity you'd have pondered it and in my opinion there is simply no need to drown it but rather adapt a positive outlook to it i.e. im 33, i havn't had suisidal thoughts for several years but i view (secretly .... with no one to safely share) death with optimism "i look forward to the defining day of possible discovery faaaaaaaar beyond a living experience can give me, i try to also remind myself i am not affraid of death when im lookinf over my shoulder walking the streets at night but im no saint, if mostly dosn't work, it's just that if im not scared of death what could i be scared of....ehh sounds promising on paper but in reality im still a big wuss, though ill use this now as a reminder forn the next couple days til i veer off in another direction mentaly.

As for your wonderfully depresssing message i appreciate that, i love it, depressing - if your reading this and your someone else, if you were a ghost hypothetically (mythical) and you could not be seen, could not feel, could not engage and witnessed a young man in his depressive state longinf for death and if i were that ghost...it looks like such a wholesome lively experience, zoom out look at him, he's a spec of sand in this mighty universe yet his experience is subjectively fully immersed by his surrounding reality, emphasising that no matter what your experiencing your in this realm, a common denominator to me, to a random ant that lived 2,000,000 years ago...though im drifting again and i wish i could feel i dont have to make sense of everything arghh, gotta stop, gotta go, gotta blow gotta flow and so "i wo...

P.s. i have pondered death with curiousity throughout my early childhood years, now i want to re learn how to do that my problem is i think i think and i think and my heart is so deep down that my experiences through thinking alone are so limited, so like you it's a natural go to, to think of sadness as it might activate the emotions but society man...jesus christ how...arghh