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Carers guilt/grief-trigger warning

Unknown userMember21 Mar 2017, 7:41 pm AEDT

Carers guilt/grief-trigger warning

Hi everyone

So i was a carer for my nan for about 2 yrs maybe more and we were really close ans when i began caring for her became closer who passed away last year.
I wasnt really able to grieve at the time as i was tyring to hold my pop whom im now a carer for my mum together and making sure everyone needs were met.
But now its really hitting me.hard. and im having so many regrets about what i should have done whati should have said what i should have changed. I feel selfish alot of the time because every now and then i would go out with a friend and i really regret it now.

My nan had many illnesses including cancer so i went to all of her appointments and made sure she was ok.

It hurts me everyday. I miss her so much.
I get alot of flash back esp of the year before like Christmas and birthdays easter and all the rest of the occasions.
She was in a wheelchair and home oxygen 24/7 as she had bad lungs from copd.
So it did make it hard for her to go out when she was getting worse
I get flashbacks of the night i stayed at their house and i heard my pop completley break down and found my nan slumped in the wheelchair in the bathroom as thats how she got around
She was so weak and couldnt even hold herself up so i had to while calling am ambulance calling my who was 10 min drive away and help pop keep it together. It hurts me every single day.
I also have the last memory of my nan in the hospital amd as i was leaving she gave me a little smile and a wave and off we went.
She died 2am that next morning

8 replies

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In response to: Carers guilt/grief-trigger warning

Unknown userMember21 Mar 2017, 10:40 pm AEDT

Re: Carers guilt/grief-trigger warning

Hey @Former-Member

Sounds like you are missing your nan who you loved very much.

Would you like to talk about something she did that made you feel special?

Darcy

In response to: Carers guilt/grief-trigger warning

Unknown userMember21 Mar 2017, 10:45 pm AEDT

Re: Carers guilt/grief-trigger warning

Yes very much so @Former-Member and you dont realise just how much you miss them until you dont do all the things u usually would. I was 16 when i first started caring for her and she died when i was 19 and im 20 now. She was the only one i felt who really cared for me as horrible as it is to say but ive been through alot and still going through it and my family and friends arent supportive and most think im faking it

In response to: Carers guilt/grief-trigger warning

Unknown userMember21 Mar 2017, 10:54 pm AEDT

Re: Carers guilt/grief-trigger warning

I am sure you were extra special to your nan too @Former-Member to have her granddaughter care for her through her illness would have no doubt been of much comfort to her.

In response to: Carers guilt/grief-trigger warning

Unknown userMember21 Mar 2017, 10:58 pm AEDT

Re: Carers guilt/grief-trigger warning

I hope so @Former-Member
I tried to make her feel special all the time.
But i have so.mamy regrets of what i shoukdve done or what i could change 😞

In response to: Carers guilt/grief-trigger warning

Unknown userMember21 Mar 2017, 11:19 pm AEDT

Re: Carers guilt/grief-trigger warning

@Former-Member the wonderful thing about loving someone and being loved by them is that when something is said or done, or not said and not done they choose to overlook them because they see into your heart. I sense this bond that you had.

Someone once told me that feelings of grief are like the waves at the beach. Sometimes they come in high and rough and knock you for six, other times they are ripples.

It hasn't been long since your beloved Nan passed away and the pain is still quite raw. Is there something she did at Easter that you might be able to carry on the tradition with in her memory?

Darcy

In response to: Carers guilt/grief-trigger warning

Unknown userMember21 Mar 2017, 11:57 pm AEDT

Re: Carers guilt/grief-trigger warning

Hey @Former-Member

It is late, I have a big day tomorrow and am heading for bed.

Take care possum
Darcy

In response to: Carers guilt/grief-trigger warning

Unknown userMember22 Mar 2017, 8:32 am AEDT

Re: Carers guilt/grief-trigger warning

Hi @Former-Member
Thank you for all your help and advice. I really appreciate it
No we didnt really celebrate easter in a special way but maybe i could start a new one and maybe light a candle for her on easter?

In response to: Carers guilt/grief-trigger warning

Unknown userMember22 Mar 2017, 8:48 am AEDT

Re: Carers guilt/grief-trigger warning

That sounds like a plan @Former-Member remembering her in a way that has meaning for you. Lighting a candle is something that can be done on other occasions as needed, and can be done privately too. Best to be flexible, what works for you today might not tomorrow, no hard and fast rules, go with the waves ...

Darcy

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SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.