Break Up

Hey @EXS ,

Thank you for sharing. I'm sorry it's been so hard for you.

I can relate to your situation from both sides - the side of your ex's sister and yours.

I remember, when my sister got a boyfriend, I felt excluded. We used to be so close. It was hard to 'lose' her to someone else. This is a form of grief. So I can see why your ex's sister may also feel this way.

Conversely, I see your perspective in that you can see, or feel, that this has happened. After things have settled a little, would you consider being open to her about how you are feeling about the whole situation? @EXS

Thanks for this message and letting me know that could be possible. See im very stuck at the moment because my ex was quite firm about the break up but hasnt cut of all communication and still has old posts about me still up. I would be open to opening up to her but i just have no idea how since ive tried everything since the break up so ive given up and underwent no contact. She also hasnt ignored me which is a good sign and we wished eachother well. She just said that shes not in a place to pursue a relationship

To me, it sounds like you don't have closure yet. Is that fair to say? @EXS

From your post, you shared the situation and to me, it sounds like quite an emotive action that your ex has taken.

Therefore, I wonder if you give her some space for a while, then just gently reach out after a few weeks, "I'm here if you want to talk" etc. or something like that.

That way, you are not pressuring them, and they can chose to engage or not engage.

Thoughts?

At this time, please look after yourself. What are some self-care acitivities you enjoy?

Ive been going to the gym and started a martial art again to actually let off some steam. Its actually helped alot and most of my friends say that i seem unaffected but deep down I feel like i have been stabbed in the stomach. I feel the odds are out of my favour because of her family now disliking me and especially her sister however im still willing to give it a shot. Do u think it matters if i reach out even if she dumped me

I don't know the ins and outs of the situation, however, people always long for connection. Seeing she hasn't blocked you or deleted photos etc, it sounds like she just needs some space.

And look, realistically speaking, it's important to have an openness to receive what she. might say. It may hurt and feel like a punch in the stomach, but at least you have closure. Conversely, she may just need space to think about things, and you may be able to re-ignite the flame. Who knows?

But you never know until you try.

Only you know how much this has impacted you. Good on you for doing what you can to stay well. It's much easier to throw in the towel with this grief, however, it looks like you are being proactive about it.

If it's for you, it will happen. If not, tell yourself it's not for you - but either way, it IS okay. @EXS Self talk can go a long way in preparing yourself for whatever happens.

Using this space on the forums might help you unpack some of what is on your mind so that you feel less alone.

Take care mate.

Thanks man this is real encouraging stuff all the best

Ah man this is hard. It’s been nearly two weeks and now my ex is posting on her story with a friend she knew I disliked and acting all happy. Do u think it’s to get my attention or is she actually having a good time? And should I block her even though there’s a part of me still that wants her back

When things are tough, she may be using posting as a way to cope and manage. This shows she is still thinking about you, right? For her to intentionally go and post that way?

If you have been with someone for an extended time, you don't just 'disappear' from their mind. They are probably thinking about you as much as you are thinking about them @EXS

After some time, you may want to just send her a check-in and invite her to get in touch when she feels like she wants to. As you said, she hasn't blocked you either.

Remember to look after yourself mate.