Long lost Dad reconnected but seems to have alcohol induced psychosis

My Dad who I have not spoken to in 7 years due to his constant disappearing acts since I was 5, reached out to me yesterday…. I was shocked when I heard from him, as I had resigned myself to the fact that despite how much it hurts, I would probably never hear from him again.

Then the more shocking, heartbreaking and devastating realisations started to creep in as he continued to text me more and more throughout the day.

He appears to be completely delusional, and is showing signs of psychosis. Seeing people who aren't there, talking about how he has been guided to a mission to re-marry my mum after 30 years of them being divorced and hating each other, telling me they have been in contact for 2 weeks and that she says he is the love of her life, even though she has verified that it is absolutely not true, and they have had 0 contact for many years... He is speaking in 3rd person, and then speaking normally again... this is all through text message. He won't tell me his address, and he doesn't have any friends or family. He is completely isolated and doesn't have a job or anyone I can call. He won't tell me where he lives... He has admitted that he relapsed from his 20 year sobriety during covid, and has only stopped drinking 6 months ago (I'm not sure I am convinced he has stopped drinking at all, but who knows)...

All he wants is to talk about my mum, and how he is on a spiritual journey to bring her back from drowning in her own misery... That he has been guided to save her, and how he is the happiest he has been in years... It is all too much all at once...

I am seeking help in how to cope with this, emotionally and mentally...
I am a huge empath, and no matter how much time has passed, and how many times he broke my heart through abandonment, I have always held onto hope that we could someday repair our relationship. I have not had his number, as he changes it everytime he abandons me and my brother.So I have not been able to reach out to him... I never prepared myself for him to reach out to me. And when I saw his message, I was filled with hope, and relief, that maybe just maybe we would be able to work on this disconnection that my inner child has never fully accepted or healed from...

But then as the messages got deeper, it started to sink in that he is not the dad i remember... He is someone else... he doesn't even talk about me... he just talks about himself, and his mission, and my mum, and how they are meant to be together. He completely disregards any of my life updates, like the children i have had since we last spoke. And the fact that I am engaged... he just didn't care, or if he did, he did not have the ability to focus on anything outside of his irrational delusional thoughts and beliefs...

I am handling it in a very calm, understanding and supportive way... I am not validating nor dismissing his ideas... I am trying to talk about things that ground him in reality... There are glimpses of him still in there, and he remembers things and talks about past experiences and dates and how he felt, but then comes back to speaking about the mission he is on, and starts channeling other peoples from spirit, and talking about himself in 3rd person. It is really de-stabilizing for me to witness him like this...

some people slowly see their parents decline over time, and can start to prepare themselves for this... but I have been completely blindsided and thrown in the deep end with this information, and I am completely heartbroken, devastated, grieving someone who I never really had since I was a small child but who I remember so vividly and fondly. I feel like I am not allowed to feel these emotions, like I have no right to be upset, because you can't lose what you never had... but I did have him... I had him for the first 5 years of my life, and then for 2 years every second weekend after that... and then nothing.... for a very long and heartbreaking confusing time... my inner child has never understood, never recovered, and I have been left with abandonment issues that still impact every relationship I have had, to this day...

I have held hope, and while there has been anger and feelings of betrayal and my desperate attempt to 'move on and forget about him'... every time I am a little too tipsy, I cry and sob and break all over again at the loss of the incredible man that helped raise me for 5-7 years. He was the first man to love me, and the first to break my heart into a million irreparable pieces.

Now, I am broken all over again... and I have no idea what to do, how to recover from this, or what steps to take next... I had never in a million years prepared myself for the fact that he might come back with psychosis... nor did I prepare myself for the fact that he would admit to having struggled as much as I knew deep down he did... And now that I know, I feel guilt for ever having thought he was a bad person, terrible sadness that he has been this isolated and sick, fear of the unknown, helplessness, depression, anxiety, grief beyond anything I have ever felt before, because the realisation that he is back, but at the same time, gone... it is just too much to take all at once...

This all has escalated so quickly, and unfolded in ways that I could not have prepared myself for over the course of years, let alone 24 hours... I hoped that today he would wake up and message me and be 'normal' again... like it was just an episode... but no... he told me how he has been up all night dealing with my mum... but he hasn't... she is living her best life, and I can't really even talk to her about it... she doesn't care for him in the slightest after their toxic marriage and divorce. She cares for me, but has no idea how to support me, and I feel like talking to anyone in my life, they just don't understand why I am feeling so disturbed by all of this.

I am sorry for the long rant. I just hope someone out there can help me find ways to cope, and to see through the darkness I am currently in... I would love to hear stories, good or bad... not to delude me that he might get better, because maybe he could, but my guess is he won't. But to just know that I am not alone... And knowing that it's likely I am not alone, I am so sorry to everyone who is going through similar.

Thank you for your time reading this. Much love,

Daddy Issues ❤️