Just need to vent for a sec.

Firstly, Happy 21st.

Believe it or not, I hopped on the forums only a short time ago, and I was looking for your posts so I could see how things were going for you. I'm so glad I've come across this post.

@Invi

All I can say is I can TOTALLY relate to what you are going through right now.

I feel it is a journey most people go through after they finish school and go into their early 20s. It certainly was the worst stage in my life and it took many years to recover.

Recently, I've been looking into the "Let Them" Theory. The "Let Them" theory is coupled with the "Let me" theory. This pretty much means, we accept what people are, know we cannot change them, then focus on what we can do to better ourselves.

The "Let them" theory book has a whole chapter on this stage of like that you are going through. It talks about how when we are at school, our relationships are built and set up for us. We hang around the same class, the same people, the same like minded people on weekends.... so then when the time comes (when we finish school), we no longer have those social structures in place. This is why the "Let me" part of the theory comes into is. THat is, what are YOU going to do about what's going on for you? This is the only thing within your control.

Bottom line is, I wish I learnt this when I was in my early 20s. It would've saved me a lot of tears.

Please know you are not alone. I'm happy to sit with you through this.

I believe in you. You CAN do it.

@tyme thank you so much.

ive been a little inactive lately since the exhaustion started catching up with me haha. its been tough to find the energy to post.

im really hoping i can get to the point where im able to move forward on my own. like you said, losing the structure of school affected me a lot, and my 'friends' were not nice to me after. it took a couple years to recover and ive been back in work for about a year now. just sucks that im now back to being too unwell.

i do have career goals and things i wanna do with my life but im not in the mental or physical place to do so right now - gives me some motivation to get better at least 🙂

thank you for the support and advice. i think i needed to read it ❤️

@Invi Hi Invi,

Sounds like you are going through a difficult time. Sorry to hear that you are feeling let down by people.

It also sounds like you are been a little hard on yourself. You are still very young and have a lot to live for. I am double your age and have always had issues with mental health since 17 and have had not much people that are supportive around me and no parties.The people that care about you will stick with you and the rest will leave your life. Let go of the ones that are unhelpful. Do not dwell on them at all.

At 21 you aren't expected to have your life sorted out.You need to still navigate the waters and grow slowly as a person. Really sorry to hear that you have been in hospital.Your health comes first, leave birthday parties for another time. Progress isn't just lost like that, you might have some dips along the way but you will get through it, even if it takes time. If you leave your job you might be able to get some financial assistance from Centrelink, it doesn't make you less of a person. Happy Birthday for today!

It took me 10-15 years to recovery after the transition from high school @Invi .

I hope it doesn't take you as long!

But to be honest, I don't regret any of it because I've learnt so so much.

In terms of your careers goals, start slow. Do you have a starting point? For me, even when I was really unwell, I still studied, but I got a lot of support from the unis. I got a reasonable adjustment plan to help me through.

What I find is if I didn't study, then I didn't have accountability, and then I'd get worse, mentally. So even if I only did one unit at a time, or worked 3 hours a day, I did it as a way to stay well.

Sometimes, if we think we are not well enough to study or pursue a goal, then we don't try, and we might end up waiting 20 years and still not progress.

Slow and steady my dear.

You WILL find your tribe.

Something else I learnt from the Let Them theory book is about the 3 pillars on which relationships are built:

1) proximity. That is, how close are they to you? If it takes at least 200 hours of connection to call people a friend, does the location of your 'friends' allow this?

2) timing. That is, people are on different life journeys. You need to find people who are at a similiar stage to you e.g. single, studying, wokring, married, have children, grandchildren, retired etc.

3) energy. That is, if a relationships drains you more than energising you, then it might be time to move on.

Just something to consider

@tyme i do have a starting point! i have to do a cert 3 and 4 at tafe and then maybe a few years of uni. im hoping the cert 3 will help me ease back into study but i need to get my physical health under control first. i keep vomiting and thats not great for study purposes 😞

i am super interested in the theory book though. ive always struggled with making and maintaining friends and it sounds super insightful for me. ill give it a look, thank you so much 🙂

@Misty7 thank you. i feel like time is moving both too fast and too slow. feels like i should have it all figured out by now even if thats not the case

I think it's chapter 11-12 in the Let Them Theory book by Mel Robbins @Invi

As for cert 3, if your course is covered by the government, it's a good starting point. It can definitely help you ease back into study. When you think about it, it sounds like a lot of study, but in 5 years time, you'll see that time has flown.

Do you prefer learning in person or online?

Pretty much all my courses have been online. Or back in those days, my mail. We got materials by post and had to send in assignments by posts. Sounds so funny nowadays lol.

There was one time, I had to rush to hand in my assignment and it wouldn't arrive in time if i sent it by post so I had to drive all the way to the uni to put it in 'the box' before 12pm. Guess what? As I was getting into the car, I put my paper assignment on the roof off the car..... and YES! I drove off and the assignment papers when FLYING everywhere!!!

Good old uni days....

I had to go back and get all the papers, then fly off to uni to put it in 'the box'.... and thank god I made it just in time. Imagine if I had to put in a reasonable excuse to say I drove off with the assignment on the roof off the car!

@tyme i like a bit of both! in person class helps keep me accountable and online helps me preserve energy. i have chronic fatigue so energy is a precious resource haha. the study is gonna be super prac based though (lab tech!) so its probably gonna be on campus mostly (ew brisbane) with one online day.

and thats so funny, sounds like something i would do! once in high school my laptop had to be sent in for a wipe and repair, so i transferred all my assignments onto a usb drive. you can guess what happened. usb broke and even a data recovery specialist couldn't save it. and they didnt even fix my computer properly! so i lost all my work for nothing.

after graduation i removed the admin lock and fixed the issue in ten minutes without losing my files. im still upset over it lmao, it took hours to redo all that work

How are you today @Invi ?

@tymehaha... we went out for a late birthday with my family and i ended up in the er for severe stomach pain. for the third time this month. hopefully this time they have answers bc meds are not helping. but aside from the pain im doing ok! i had fun before it got too bad.

thank you for asking :). how are you?