Limerence - how to end a relationship

Hey @ZoNav

I wanted to take the time to thank you for opening up on here, and I also want to acknowledge how much strength it would have taken for you to write that out, especially when you're feeling so isolated 💚

Discovering the word 'limerence' can feel like finding a map when you've been lost for a long time, with no sense of direction on where you are. It is a very real and very intense state of mind where the highs of the connection act like a chemical hit, making the 'lows' feel like withdrawal almost.

I also wanted to touch on what you said about fawning and shrinking. Please try to be kind to yourself about that. Fawning is a survival strategy. When we don't have a support network, our brains can view 'losing this person' as a threat to our own safety, so it does whatever it can to keep the peace. I don't believe you're weak at all; you're a human being who is trying to survive this loneliness.

Since you mentioned you're feeling a bit unstable and don't have a local circle of support, would you be open to exploring some small ways to build that safety net outside that relationship? Whether that may be checking in on here more often, or finding a low-pressure hobby or space where you can be around others, it might help that 'unbearable' thought feel just a tiny bit more manageable.

I'm really glad that you have joined us all here. Please know that you don't have to navigate this journey alone 💚

@ZoNav You may experience something called separation anxiety - it makes people afraid of being on their own. It is a serious condition which is why you may be reluctant to leave this abusive relationship. You have to make the decision to leave on your own terms and only when you are ready. Separation anxiety can really cut to the core as I can tell you I've had it. The only way I was able to resolve it was to face being on my own until I was able to reset my brain chemistry. It is a very difficult path to walk but in the end I enjoyed my own company and did not fear being alone. Maybe just learn to spend less and less time with your partner and lean into online friendships for support. I was given all kinds of demoralising advice like go to a shopping mall or the library. That kind of advice was very dismissive and trivialising. I dont know your situation in terms of context but there are meetup groups and groups at neighborhood/community houses which you can search online. Dont know if you are able to look into these or not, just a suggestion but I do understand how stark things like this can make people with separation anxiety feel. You will be ok you us got to make small manageable steps towards being free of your relationship that is causing you harm.