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Managing thoughts of suicide & self-harm

Lost

AzzyWazzyContributor01 Apr 2026, 1:20 am AEDT

Lost

I feel so lost.

I feel lost everywhere I go.

Even at home.

He doesnt see me. He loves me, he says. He doesn't SEE me.

I give everything... hard. Consistently. To everything.

All I feel is rejection, misunderstanding, disrespect, worthless.

Its even starting to affect my work. I am a master organiser... I was.

Now I am lost in a list of lists.

Why dont I matter? Why is it that my love has never been given back to me as much as I give it?

Am I asking too much?

I am too much.

I wish I could hide in a shell, in a cave.

Hard to not want to end it all. Whats the point of it all?

Of love? Of effort? Of respect?

So tiring. I am tired. Im tired of being tired.

But I can't be like this... the kids. They need a guiding light, they need their mother.

So much for being a lighthouse when I am nothing but a shipwreck

3 replies

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In response to: Lost

MindeeModerator01 Apr 2026, 4:42 am AEDT

Re: Lost

Hi @AzzyWazzy

You have expressed yourself and your pain and feelings so openly and clearly, I hope this is something you have shared with the people in your life.

You say "the kids need a guiding light" - it sounds like your effort and care is just that - it is a guiding life - it shows strength and resilience, and at times when the pain is hard, looking to the light that shines from your children can be the glimmer in your day.

The community is here for you and is able to provide care and comfort. Remember to take a moment to give yourself some compassion and care. Look for the cool breeze and the sunshine or the rainy day to allow you to pause and breathe.

Please be kind to yourself and reach out to supports in person for additional help as needed.

take care

Mindee 🙂

In response to: Lost

jsm74Senior Contributor15 Apr 2026, 7:14 pm AEST

Re: Lost

what makes you say that he doesn't see you and that you fee rejected and worthless? Im certainly not challenging those feelings, just wondering if there might be room for them to be addressed. If it is accurate to say that youre expected to do all of the parenting, what do you think might be behind his inaction? Any possibility of depression on his end?

In response to: Re: Lost

jsm74Senior Contributor15 Apr 2026, 7:19 pm AEST

Re: Lost

I can't help but feel that this is fixable with some work on his part and on yours in terms of finding some time both for 'me time' with his help abd some 'us time' id possible to give you both time work on the relationship. I'd ha loves you, then action should be expected.

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