Done with love

Hi @Sneaklight

I know exactly how you feel right now. I left a long-term relationship after abuse and although it was an awful situation, I couldn't help but grieve the "what could have been" - I truly gave up on love after that.

Also, I'm glad you decided to post here. It's a courageous thing to reach out and it means you haven't given up.

Although I've realised that maybe a relationship is off the cards for me, I've been able to foster a loving friendship with a family member and found a love of certain hobbies and pastimes.

These are just some of the safe and gentle ways you can find love and fulfillment until maybe one-day you're ready to try again. Just remember that trying is never failure.

We're here for you and you can always reach out.

Take care 🤍

Hi @Sneaklight

I've been single since 2001. It's great

no kids either

Does it ever get easier?

Hey @Sneaklight

I can hear how much pain you're in, and I want to start by saying that it makes total sense that you feel 'done.' Following the advice to get out of the house, try to love yourself, and still come home to an empty space is exhausting and defeating. It is okay to be angry and upset at the situation and to feel like the effort hasn't matched the outcome.

Sometimes the weight of searching for someone gets too heavy; the only thing left to do is exactly what you described: just surviving the day.

Please know that you are not failing because you feel this way. Loneliness is not a reflection of your inherent worth or how well you followed the "rules" of self-improvement. It's a very human, very painful experience that doesn't always have an immediate fix, no matter how hard you try.

If you feel like you're at your limit this evening, please be gentle with yourself. You don't have to 'fix' your life or your outlook right now. Just getting through the next hour is enough.

We are all here to listen if you need to vent more about what the 'mess' feels like. You don't have to carry the 'done' feeling entirely on your own.

I’ve felt the same way most of my life. It can be very painful to believe there is no hope.

I don’t know if it will help, but I’ve noticed some shifts in my own life around romance from some things I’ve been doing. I’ll share it in case it gives any comfort, or at least something new to get you through the ache.

I found that these helped. Working on yourself is always foundational for attracting love in:

- accepting parts of myself that I’ve been denying or suppressing (doesn’t even have to be love-related)

- finding ways to become a bit more responsible in my life (eg. try to at least one chore for 20 minutes every other day)

- looking up from the ground and at people instead (you miss all the people who are interested otherwise!)

- tracking my progress in any aspect of life (enables you to see you are working towards success)

- moving towards some personal goals, even in bite-sizes

- challenging any idealistic perception of love to align with a realistic outlook (eg. acceptance of love’s messy nature makes it easier to spot in real time)

- anything else along those lines

They may sound completely unrelated, but they all build general confidence and self-acceptance, and those in turn become attractive qualities people notice. On top of that, you won’t be actively seeking love as strongly because you’re preoccupied with other things. I hate to say it, but when you look too hard, it’s like flipping off the switch. You don’t have to be super charismatic to be confident, or perfect to accept yourself. These are misconceptions.

Best of luck. Don’t give up hope yet as you never know what the future holds.