Carers - what has worked for you?

Hey @PipClover ,

Thank you for posting.

Caring brings a lot of joy, but it can also bring a lot of stress. I'm so glad you've been able to reach out and share a little about what's been going on for you.

I've worked with many young people in my lifetime, and having an anxious, clingy one is definitely hard on the parents. Are they linked in with their schools' wellbeing supports?

As for yourself, do you have supports around you who can share the load? Have you ever reached out to https://www.carergateway.gov.au/ ?

They may be able to offer some supports.

You can also meet @Shaz51 who has been a long time carer

Also just a note, RecoveryClub self-registrations will be open in a few weeks (end of this month), Feel free to come back to this site regularly for updates: https://www.sane.org/recovery-club

This program will provide you with 5 x 40 mins 1:1 sessions with a psychosocoal recovery facilitator who may be able to provide additional support.

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Hey @PipClover

First off, I hear you. The "family glue" role is an incredibly heavy mantle to wear, especially when you're managing multiple high-needs dynamics at once. It's a specific kind of exhaustion where even the "solutions" (like more talking or leaving the house) feel more like work.

Having navigated the complexities of CPTSD and DID with a sibling as a carer, and now supporting my partner who lives with multiple mental health conditions and disabilities, I've learned that "filling the tank" often looks less like a spa day and more like strategic preservation.

Here are a few things that may be helpful to you:

Radical Micro-Self-Care: When a weekend away creates more stress than it relieves, stop trying to take "big" breaks. Focus on sensory resets that don't require you to leave the "safe person" post:

• 5 Minute Sensory Lock-in: When the house is loud, lock yourself in the bathroom or bedroom with noise-cancelling headphones or just earplugs. Five minutes of literal silence can lower your cortisol enough to help you keep going.
• Low-Stakes Hobbies: find something that doesn't involve a screen or a person. For me, it's working on my latchook pieces or even doing a colouring-in book. It's about "turning off" the part of your brain that solves everyone else's problems.

The Safe Person Transition: since your daughter panics when you leave, "filling the tank" might need to happen in the house first:

• Parallel Play: As an AuDHDer myself, as is my partner, parallel play is our favourite thing to do! Sit in the same room as your daughter while she does her own thing, but keep your headphones on or keep reading. You are physically there (the safety net), but mentally "off the clock"
• Structured Check-ins: If you do step out, set a timer. "I am going for a walk for 20 minutes; I will check my phone exactly at the 10-minute mark." It creates a boundary for her OCD while giving you a predictable window of peace.

Outsourcing the Mental Load: the mental load is often heavier than the physical care itself:

• Shared Command Centre: if you haven't already, move everything to a shared digital calendar or a giant whiteboard. If your husband is in a "well" phase, delegate specific, non-negotiable tasks so it's not all on your shoulders.
• Nix the "Politeness" Labour: when friends ask how they can help, don't say "I'm fine." Ask for a meal, a grocery run, or for someone to take the 9-year-old to the park for an hour.

You asked, "What do I need?" Sometimes the answer isn't "a break," it's "less to do." Give yourself permission to let the house be messy or to have cereal for dinner. Survival mode is a valid way to live when things are intense.

You're doing an incredible job holding that glue together, but even glue needs time to set.

Hello @PipClover and sending you hugs 🫂 my friend 🧡

Click on to this thread

Coping Toolbox ( what is in yours to help you cope )

It is lovely that you are a safe person to your daughter as I am to my husband who wants me to be with him always

Do you have hobbies or things that you like to do to relax

Here for you if you like to have a chat anytime

@tyme , @MatchaToad

That's sounds so hard @MedicinalGypsy .

At least you still have us on the forums!

Also, did you ever get to access https://www.dementia.org.au/ ?

Please know you are not alone. We are so glad to hear from you and get an update.

Do you have additional supprot when caring for your mother?

@MedicinalGypsy , sending you hugs 🫂 my friend 🧡

I was a carer for my mum too

I did things with mum like jigsaw puzzles, doing her finger nail , doing her hair , doing words games , watching her TV program

@PipClover , @tyme , @MatchaToad , @Snowie