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Help with Dissosiation Identity Disorder

SquirrelFrostCasual Contributor05 Mar 2026, 1:42 pm AEDT

Help with Dissosiation Identity Disorder

I'm a autistic person with Dissociative Identity Disorder and severe depression and aphantasia.

We have no idea what or why we are actually sad. Just that I can't communicate with anyone in the system anymore as everyone has separated from me. Leaving me in a permanent state of isolation and loneliness. I don't have access to any of my emotions or memories anymore. They have become separate from me.

I have this imaginative part of me that desires all these crazy nonsensical things.

Such as

Being able to have dreams during the day

being able to cuddle an imaginary friend or see their body or even touch them

My bed turning into a cloud or my room into a forest

Being able to dream of flying on magical reindeer

Being able to visit other places such as Ponyville and even live different lives in different realities

Being able to talk to trees and god and them actually responding to you

Being able to mentally travel through time

Being able to dig tunnels with Peter rabbit

Being able to actually feel things in guided meditations

Having an alter possess my body or voice

Even thoughts that my soul is somehow beyond physical reality

I feel fundamentally flawed and broken for having aphantasia as I know all the things that this imaginative part keeps on wishing for are completely impossible. They all require being able to feel and see things in your mind.

So I have a huge part of myself that does not fit into the reality that I experience. I have to navigate without my imagination, without fantasies, without magic, without my alters, without my inner world.

Without connection to my alters or my inner world of magical thinking my life has lost all it's meaning. I can't find enough joy in anything anymore. I have to accept a godless, mundane, non magical life.

I need someone who is actually going to help me investigate how the dissosiation of my emotions and inner world has happened or what caused it,

My therapist is unhelpful and does not offer any psychological insight at all. I am undergoing Transcranial-Magnetic-Stimulation therapy everyday but it is having absolutely no positive effect on me.

I felt I am completely hopeless as nothing is helping me.

5 replies

1 - 5 of 5

In response to: Help with Dissosiation Identity Disorder

Ru-beeModerator05 Mar 2026, 2:02 pm AEDT

Re: Help with Dissosiation Identity Disorder

Hi @SquirrelFrost

I just wanted to stop by to welcome you to the forums. It's no small thing reaching out in a new space, especially when you've been experiencing these feelings of hopelessness in regards to your other current supports.

I need someone who is actually going to help me investigate how the dissosiation of my emotions and inner world has happened or what caused it,

This is a great, clear goal for support, and I'm wondering if you've been able to share this want with your therapist?

I am interested to see what insights the community might have, as I'm sure there are others on here who can relate to what you're going through.

In response to: Help with Dissosiation Identity Disorder

IzitHumaneCasual Contributor06 Mar 2026, 1:37 am AEDT

Re: Help with Dissosiation Identity Disorder

High 🙂

I'm just wondering, how does your DID manifest for you, or how did it manifest before you lost connection to your other identities?

I am also needing help and hoping we could band together to help each other

Much love and Support 🦘

In response to: Re: Help with Dissosiation Identity Disorder

DogMan79Senior Contributor06 Mar 2026, 2:26 am AEDT

Re: Help with Dissosiation Identity Disorder

Hi @SquirrelFrost

Are you saying that all your Parts have aphantasia? I do as Self, but my Parts don't all have that. It's similar to a population level percentage. Same with things like internal monologue, it's just over 50%/50% who do/don't inside

In response to: Re: Help with Dissosiation Identity Disorder

SquirrelFrostCasual Contributor06 Mar 2026, 11:17 am AEDT

Re: Help with Dissosiation Identity Disorder

I used to have personalities that were like moods you could choose to feel and modes of thinking you could choose to utilise in different situations. Some thought in colours, some thought scientifically, some thought in stories. They were different ages and species and mostly came from children's cartoons and movies. These people would turn on or be enthusiastic at different times for different things. Some when swimming at the pool, some when listening to rock music, some when baking. They would provide me with internal praise and feedback and love and comfort. But now nobody seems enthusiastic and I'm not getting the feedback or love from them anymore. We used to be very intellectual by being flexible enough to think in all these different ways and be very busy enjoying different hobbies. But not anymore.

In response to: Re: Help with Dissosiation Identity Disorder

SquirrelFrostCasual Contributor06 Mar 2026, 11:19 am AEDT

Re: Help with Dissosiation Identity Disorder

The other parts that are seperated from me and I don't have access to say they do have access to an inner world of emotions, images and sensations; so you could say they don't have aphantasia. Some of them spend most of the day outside my body acting as a support worker. I usually communicate to them to know what I am thinking or feeling but I'm not getting enough feedback from them anymore so just feel empty all the time.

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