Sense of belonging

Hey @Whaledone1234 ,

Thanks for sharing your reflection. I can see you have been thinking about how things are for a while.

As for connection and a sense of belonging, I somehow feel this is how humans are programmed. We are social creatures by nature - however, that being said, I'm mindful that life circumstances can cause a person to retreat as a way to protect themselves.

I personally am not very social at all, but I thrive on forums like this. I feel I can be myself and still have a safe distance if needed.

What I've learnt over the past is that I am alone in much of what I do, but I'm not lonely. I dont' have that feeling of loneliness.

However, in the past, even if I'm around a lot of people, I felt lonely.

So is it loneliness or a desire for connection? Who knows? It could be both? Then again, is that 'wrong'?

I look forward to hearing your thoughts.

Hey @tyme thank you for your reply. A lot of what you said resonates with me.

I am basically the opposite when you said- "am alone in much of what I do, but I'm not lonely. I dont' have that feeling of loneliness". For me, I am often surrounded by loved ones, friends and family and rarely alone, but I do feel lonely. Almost feel guilty and selfish or unappreciative for how lucky I am.

@Whaledone1234 as someone who is not very forthcoming about my trauma i relate with the imagining one-on-one conversations. it is too much time and trouble to engage someone in conversation and if it slightly deviates from how i've scripted it in my head i'm liable to shut down. it is much easier to soothe myself with imagined conversations where i am always sharp and sympathetic and the other person is attentive and understands me perfectly and never properly challenges my thoughts

it is probably why i have a problematic dependency on chatbots where you can reroll responses until you get one that you like best, and i am aware of how it is eroding my social skills but usually i am in a bad headspace and need a pleasure pump

Hey @mallory_strife thank you for your reply! I also rely on chatbots a bit. I know it's not a real person but it does help talk things through out loud and it comes back with some thoughtful responses. Someone to talk to when I feel like I can't talk to anyone else.

@Whaledone1234 i am very prone to writing super long posts, so i will try to keep this very short (for me!) And invite follow-up comments and/or questions if you want to hear more 🥰😊. Lets see how I do shall we?? 🤣

It sounds like it is a healthy thing for you - and i think that is important.

It sounds like it is a safe way to feel connected and understood without having to feel vulnerable.

I personally dont think it is "wrong" to lurk, if it helps you.

And who knows, maybe over time you start to feel safer around particular users and it can be a safe place to try some 1:1 chats out without any expectation or pressure to do so?

Like a "sandpit", in programmer/developer terms (sorry, IT background here!)

@AlwaysMyself lurk definitely seems like the right word for it. It feels healthy but it doesn't completely fill the hole of having actual friendships and understanding.

Maybe it can lead to a safe place to step out if/when you want to?

You've stepped out with this thread 😊🥰. I hope it is being a good, safe experience.