Hi @Sneaklight
This sounds like such an incredibly heavy weight to carry, and I want to start off by acknowledging how much courage it takes to be this honest about your pain. Feeling like you're missing out or broken while everyone around you seems to be moving forward is an isolating experience, but an experience that I am quite familiar with, and likely many others here on the forums.
It's completely understandable why you feel hurt right now. When you're craving connection, and someone tells you to "wait" or "work on yourself", it can feel like a polite way of being told you're not enough as you are, which hurts. I want to offer you a different perspective on what you're going through.
You mentioned feeling "too broken to be loved." Please hear this: being a work in progress does not make you unlovable. Everyone carries "stuff" - past arguments, regrets, scars from being cheated on, etc. Those things are a part of your history, but they aren't your identity. You are not a broken object; you're a human being navigating a difficult chapter of life.
I also want you to know that it is okay to be annoyed by the advice you were given. When you're lonely and want to be held, "love yourself" feels like a hollow platitude that doesn't fix the empty spot in your bed. The goal of therapy or taking a "break" isn't necessarily going to achieve some perfect state of self-love; it's about reaching a point where you are stable enough that a rejection doesn't feel like a total collapse of your worth.
Those "3 months" might actually help, too. I know that 3 months can feel like an eternity, especially at 23, and you feel behind your peers. However, your teacher likely suggested this because they see that you are in a "reactive" state. When we try to find love from a place of desperation or deep regret, we often accidentally pick people who are not good for us, or we attach so hard that it scares us or even them (speaking from my own experience). Try thinking of the 3 months not as a "sentence", but as a buffer zone to help you stop the cycle of feeling rejected.
I understand entirely how hard it is to see friends getting married at 23, but it is so important that we remind ourselves that life is not a race. Many people who marry young are still figuring out who they are, and their paths do not reflect their values. Your timeline, my own timeline, and everyone here on the forums' timelines are allowed to look different.
If you feel like you need a "clear" answer so you can move on, you have every right to decide that for yourself. You don't have to wait three months to stop liking someone who isn't available. You can choose to start the "moving on" process today if you want to, by doing the following:
- Acknowledging the Rejection: If she said she isn't looking for a relationship, that is your answer. It hurts, but it's closure you need to stop pouring energy into that specific bucket.
- Focusing on "Care" in Other Forms: since you want someone to talk to, focus on finding a therapist or support group (or even just being on here) so you can be heard without the pressure of romantic "audition."
You deserve to be held and cared for. Taking time to work on your past isn't about becoming "good enough" for someone else - it's about making your own life a calmer, kinder place for you to live in.
Take care 💚
