In dire straits and desperate.. *TW mentions SI

Hi @Summer_rain welcome to the forums, glad you found this space 😊

First off, just letting you know I have added a TW to your post. If you want to do this yourself next time, when typing/editing your post, at the right hand end of the formatting toolbar should be three horizontal dots - this expands the formatting toolbar. Highlight the text you want to hide, and click the triangle with an exclamation point inside.

I'm also going to flick you an email in a few moments, just to check in - so keep an eye out 🙌

Thanks for letting us know you're safe at the moment, though I can really hear how overwhelmed you are and how difficult it currently feels to reach out for help. That is so valid - I really felt you when you said sometimes it feels like you need to resort to something more extreme in order to feel like you will be recognised in your struggles. I think it's something many here can probably relate to.

Reaching out, especially for the first time, can be incredibly scary - especially if we've seen or experienced rejection when sharing our vulnerability. I do promise you that even if you are not considered unwell enough for ED, contacting crisis services or your local Crisis and Assessment Team can still be incredibly beneficial. They can offer some interim support, point you in the direction of supports you might find suitable, and help you figure out some practical next steps. I think even just by sharing with us here, you've taken a huge step - so kudos!

Stigma is still a very real issue, and unfortunately sometimes people you encounter - either friends or family, or unfortunately on the odd occasion, in medical settings - may not understand, may minimise your experiences, or may try to offer support that isn't suited to your needs. Please don't be discouraged, as there are plenty of people out there (and on here!) who will understand what you are going through, and be able to offer some much needed support and connection.

You don't need to go through this alone, we are here for you 💜

Hi @Summer_rain

I can see that @Jynx has already jumped in here with some fantastic support!

I wanted to thank you for having the courage to share all of this with us. It sounds incredibly heavy right now, and I want you to know that your voice is heard and that what you are feeling - the exhaustion, the isolation and the fear - is valid.

It takes immense strength to be this honest when you feel like you've hit rock bottom. Please know that even though you feel you've taken ten steps back, those previous steps forward still count. Recovery is rarely a straight line, and hitting a low point doesn't erase the progress you've made in the past; it just means you are in a very difficult chapter right now.

Regarding your fear of the hospital and stigma, it is completely understandable that you feel hesitant. Many people fear they won't be unwell enough or will be judged for their diagnosis. I have been there myself. But please hear this: you do not need to resort to extreme measures to prove you are suffering. Your pain is real, exactly as it is now. You deserve a safe space and professional support regardless of your past diagnosis.

And touching base on your identity and struggle, losing your sense of self to an eating disorder or substance use is an agonising experience. Please try to be gentle with yourself. Your worth is not tied to your weight or your bank account, even if it feels impossible to see and believe that today.

You mentioned you feel you have no one to talk to, but by posting on here, you've already started breaking that isolation. Please consider reaching out to a crisis line or a professional - not because you 'have to', but because you deserve to have someone carry this weight with you.

We are all so glad you are safe right now. Absolutely keep talking to us, looking forward to hearing from you and seeing you around here 💚