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SneaklightContributor
I began to realise today that Im trying to find someone cause a part of me misses my grandfather he died when I was 14 and I miss him alot but when I'm with my crush for example I feel a sense of warmth and comfort I have not felt since him and look I love her and I'm gonna do sumtin bout it but I think it hurts knowing she might not like me cause its gonna be like loosing him again
In response to: I realised sumtin
DimitySenior Contributor
@Sneaklight everyone deserves close loving relationships like you had with your grandfather. I hope and trust you'll find that warmth with your crush or someone else - best wishes.
If other relationships have been disappointing or hurtful there's space here to share and get support.
In response to: I realised sumtin
MatchaToadPeer Guide
Hey @Sneaklight
It takes a great deal of self-awareness and courage to recognise a connection like that. Identifying the "warmth and comfort" you feel with your crush is linked to the love you had for your grandfather is a profound insight into how your heart processes grief and connection.
It makes perfect sense that you are drawn to someone who evokes that specific feeling of safety. When we lose someone significant at a young age - especially at 14 - that person often becomes our gold standard for what it feels like to be truly cared for. Seeking that warmth isn't a "mistake"; it's a testament to how much your grandfather meant to you. You aren't just looking for a partner; you're looking for a place where your heart feels "at home" again.
The fear that you are describing - that rejection from her would feel like losing him all over again - is something called compounded grief. It's the feeling that a "no" from her would confirm that the warmth he gave you is gone forever. However, there is a vital distinction to keep in mind:
As you prepare to "do something about it", try holding these two truths at the same time:
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SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.
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