Hello there, I can recognise similar tones of frustration from what you write, to my relationship with my mother. I am not an advocate of "no contact" and all of that as it removes you from the situation but doesn't resolve the situation. Here I will write directly what I wish someone had told my younger self to say if I asked the same thing as you asked.
I would say to my Mother, "Mum i know how much you love getting tattoos and it's something we both love and share together. But, next year I will have to pay (bill, bill, fee etc) and I want to have money in savings. I respect that you love having tattoos but I need you to respect that we are different people and my new year's resolution is to be more financially responsible. I want you to help me be more financially responsible, so that when our family has bills next year the money will be right there in the bank for us because I saved it. I dont want things to be like last time when we got the power cut off or whatever drama happened last time".
What i can see from the outside is the "blurring of boundaries" in that three people are involved in ONE person's tattoo experience.
Also your Mum is fairly young and one pattern I have noticed about young parents especially mothers is they want to make up for lost time because they were caring for a baby when all their friends were being young and carefree.
I got too far enmeshed with my Mum, there was no boundaries between three generations of the family and I ended up not as her child but as her friend and partner. To this day my Mother "guards" grandma and other family resources because SHE never fully grew proper boundaries due to having kids so young. So I had to form the boundary myself of "I'm an adult, you're an adult, My life is (this)" because my Mother never grew up so she didn't want me to grow up either.
From her side: She got to stay forever young and EVERYONE in the world is her helper/friend including her kids.
From the side of her kids: She never let go of immaturity and never formed into an adult, so she didn't and couldn't form us into adults, and out of three kids 2x grew up by themselves, the hardest way of smashing our heads into walls and bashing into society, and she has 1x forever baby whos on the DSP and he enables her to continue an irresonsible lifestyle and drug habit "because shes so stressed out by the kids" yet her kids are nearly 40 years old and the Forever Baby is a very unhappy person.
So at risk of being too bold but you NEED to establish your own boundaries and identity separate to your mother and you NEED to address family problems such as "spent all our money on tatts now we can't afford bills and need to borrow money off Grandma" cause believe me the tension of growing up in constant stress and uncertainty is hard, but carrying it into adulthood is harder still, and then being trapped in your parents dysfunction is A LIFE SENTENCE OF BOREDOM.
Get yourself a good job, save your money, and live smart not dragged back by other people's lack of resonsiblity. Also, you are the CHILD so your future is ahead of you. It is not your responsibility to indulge your family members in stuff they don't need, and what i write is not a criticism of your Mum she would have had many pains and traumas to end up with BPD. But BPD is very hard to get diagnosed and many are unwilling to diagnose it, its difficult to treat and cure so in no way to pick on your Mum but she lives with a very challenging personality disorder, and you need to sort out what's right from wrong through a more normal filter so your own future has room for success in it.
So:
What is your plan for 2026? Education or work.
What are your goals for 2026? Increase income or skills or both.
How many hours a week/month do you spend caring for your Mum or fixing her problems?
Do you see yourself moving out of the house any time soon?
If you got a partner or moved out for any other reasons, what would you have to do to make your Mum manage without you?
Into the future, what is your ongoing capacity and ability to care for your mother?
Does the family have secure housing and financial security?
Do you wish to remain in same circumstances you grew up in or do you wish to change those circumstances?
Do you see yourself as emotionally enmeshed with your parents/siblings?
(Can one person be sad/angry without everyone else getting sad/angry too)
Where do you want to be this time in 2026?
a) More tattoos b) More money
etc so on and so forth 🙂
To recap what I write as the direct answer to your question:
You convince your mother to not make this bad financial decision, by telling her very kindly that your own goals are to get in control of your finances and that you want, and need to be responsible with the money you have (or don't have), and although in an ideal world you would very much like to pay for the tattoo you promised, you have had to change your mind because if you give the money for the tattoo NOW it won't be there in the future when it's needed for something else.
Then if she brings it up next time, you say, "I can give you a tiny donation toward your tattoo goal because I love you and want you to be happy, but I'm not going to pay for the whole thing because my goal is to be more responsible with money and tattoos cost a lot of money, but if I save money for (a car/a house/something useful) then I will be able to make more money in future and I love tattoos but for me they are something I save up for because they are a relative luxury"....or you could save up and buy the whole thing for her in a year or two. But dont make promises you cant or won't keep.
Good luck and all the best it sounds like you are striding forward to make change in your life.
