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Helping my working daughter without being relied upon for money

JazzyZahlCasual Contributor

Helping my working daughter without being relied upon for money

  • My daughter is 35 and lives separately to me with 2 of her children, with her oldest son being 18.
  • She has a lot of difficulty living within her own means and she regularly asks me and her 18 year old for money.
  • I know we are enabling her bad spending habits, which includes tattoos etc.
  • Diagnosis BPD.
  • We are sick of the fighting with us over wanting money. Fighting again on Christmas and today over money. She yells!
  • How do we deal with this?

5 replies

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In response to: Helping my working daughter without being relied upon for money

AppleblossomSenior Contributor

Re: Helping my working daughter without being relied upon for money

BPD is tough for parent and child, cos there is often suicidal tendencies in the mix. But, if she is getting it from her child. I would definitely stop the flow. No more. She lives within her means. I am a person who had to give my mother money from too early an age. @JazzyZahl ... another story. But giving money is not helping her. Reduce issues to real NEEDS and wants as separate... when she can afford them.... That is Oxygen, water, food, adequate clothing, not fashion, roof/rent and step by step from there... find your individual ways... you as her parent and the 18 yo child have different obligations to your daughter...she has obligations too. She needs to gradually learn to step up.

Dont engage with yelling. Leave the room. Sorry. Dont mean to be hard. The condition isnt an excuse for everything. Containment may help. What is self, what is other, what are fair transactions?

How are the littlies coping?

In response to: Re: Helping my working daughter without being relied upon for money

JazzyZahlCasual Contributor

Re: Helping my working daughter without being relied upon for money

Thank you Appleblossom.

You have provided good advice.

Spot on with the suicidal tendencies in the mix.

In response to: Re: Helping my working daughter without being relied upon for money

AppleblossomSenior Contributor

Re: Helping my working daughter without being relied upon for money

Nobody can promise that the worst wont happen. But now there are 3 littler people in the mix. @JazzyZahl as I am sure you are well aware. The situations that carers have to deal with are COMPLEX.

Does she have other support. Mental health team?

In response to: Re: Helping my working daughter without being relied upon for money

JazzyZahlCasual Contributor

Re: Helping my working daughter without being relied upon for money

My daughter talks about chat GPT and the advice she gets there.

She talks about a psychologist, but not sure what she is referring to.

Her youngest imitates some of the troubling things his mother says.

My daughter also cries an awful lot.

In response to: Re: Helping my working daughter without being relied upon for money

GHo13New Contributor

Re: Helping my working daughter without being relied upon for money

I totally agree with @applebloosom at 35yrs, she is certainly old enough to be managing her own money without asking others...

I'm on DSP, paying for a storage unit, rent for two rooms, I have to manage the running of my car and it's maintenance, standard bills, 3 debts, one stupid but large, to Centrelink, due to their mess up, "apparently l" apparently paying me too much in Family Tax A or B or something...

The other two times ambulances bills that U didn't know I had and ended up with Baycorp 😳🥺
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