SandraDeeCasual Contributor
AITA?
Hello,
I have been "dating" a man for 24 years now, and there is no hope of us ever getting married, as he's been married before and "won't go there again".
We spend most Friday and Saturday nights together, me staying over Saturday nights at his place. He won't stay at mine anymore because I have cats. He says they constantly wake him up and he's done with that.
We go camping every few months in his expensive van, because he likes the luxuries and I don't care much really. I was raised tenting, and went to buy my first camper trailer which I wanted to spend a few thousand on, but ended up extending my home loan because he wanted one worth $40k, which we still have but no longer gets used and sits in his garage being used as shelving (for want of a better term). I can't tow it with my car, nor his van.
He had some troubles with the van, so as always, I wrote a letter requesting that they fix X issues and left it to him to work the rest out. He says I write a good letter. Proof of this is organising what he wanted for the camper, getting a dead tree removed from the back of his property, getting him out of jury service twice, and helping him choose a few dogs, investigating things he needs/wants and reporting back so he can decide and buy, organising all our camping trips with owners etc, working out menus, making sure he has a day in it all, and loads more.
He does things for me, he says I am incapable of doing, like cleaning my gutters and cutting back trees, and he is always telling me of all the wonderful things he does for me.
He chips the wood, because now I can't seem to use my own block splitter or axe, which he always has issues with (the items are too old and worn out, dangerous even), and yet they are.mine, but I get no say in how they get maintained, used etc.
He buys alcohol sometimes that isn't what I drink at all, and if I drink it, then I have to change how I drink to what he wants me to drink, even though I only drink it to be nice. When I don't, I'm an alcoholic.
I stopped smoking cold turkey, as the nagging got a bit too much for me, even though he knew I was a smoker when we met.
He criticizes me for talking as I walk away, yet does that exact thing to me. When I say something, he claims that yes, he is an arsehole like I say, when I mention he just did to me what I get criticized about all the time, and that he's "over it".
So I will either go home or sit in an extremely hot van because he's outside sitting by my fan in the shade and I need to be alone for a bit because I am upset.
Everytime I do or say something, he holds the things he does for me, over me, like a tool for persecution or something.
I just don't understand why I always give, and he always takes ... for want of a better way to put things.
He's not a bad person, but he just can't be a nice person.
He just bought me a freezer saying it's for my birthday and Xmas and that's all I'm getting, which is 100% fine, then got upset because I bought myself 2 items that he also bought. Thought you weren't getting me anything else? Oh fors ducks sake woman ...
He stole my Thai recipe saying it was his all along and I don't make it as good as he does, so I stopped making it, yet I am supposed to have an entire spice rack on hand at all times.
He makes his own dog food now, something I have done for years, and apparently it was his idea in the first place and I just followed his example.
I'm kind of lost in this relationship. I never feel totally appreciated for what I do, and I feel under the gun for things I want to do for myself, and anything I do off my own bat, was his idea in the first place.
Am I the arsehole here?
Anxiety
Depression
Menopausal
Now apparently BPD
