WIN

Hey @Trissy71 good to hear that you've gotten something you've been needing. We're here to listen if you wanna tell us more 🙂

@Trissy71

It sounds like it's been a fight to get this win! It's great to hear. Every win is worth celebrating.

Thanks all for your support and sorry a lot of my posts were really awful.

I had to call Lifeline the other day as I just couldn't manage it and I don't know, it flicked a switch. Later on the following day I went and saw a GP, I told her exactly what had been going on and was given medication I needed despite my medical records not making it to the clinic for the second time.

I am so sorry. I have had enough of Doctors dicking me around. I have had enough of the arrangement that I am in and if I told you what was going on, you may still be awake but your mouth would be on the floor.

Anyway, I have actually taken a mental health day and taking healthier steps to express it. Don't know what come over me. I thought ME was no more. I am around people of whom I don't really matter to and no it isn't depression, they are just toxic and mostly jerks. So, I have forgiven myself, putting me first and guarding my mind.

I think that I really need to get mentally strong first, before I can take the next step of leaving them all behind. It is all going to take time. For the first time, I really did put me first instead of running around putting everything and everyone first. "NO"! is a word I intend to use much often, with respect. I am not going to explain myself and if they don't like it, I don't care as they have clearly have demonstrated how much I don't matter to them.

Slowly disengaging and one day, they will learn the value of my presence by my absence. No. I am not checking out of life. I am checking out of their lives.

I don't expect it to go smoothly but, I am going to try real hard. Thankyou for your patience and kindness. I really hope you are all doing well. You are stronger than you think, look at what you have had to endure and you are still a good person.

@Trissy71 a little tip, if you want other members to be notified that you've responded, you can tag them using the @ symbol, then selecting (or typing if they aren't in the drop down menu) their username so it shows up in blue, like this: @MJG017 @Ru-bee

Thanks for sharing, I can hear a sense of empowerment in your words 💜

Yes. It was a fight for sure. It was a fight within myself as a result of others being horrible. It was also a fight with Doctors, as most of them have been useless to me. They give me terrible, terrible anxiety when I go to see them as they have not handled my health. I would say in fact, I have done a better job than them which says a lot and especially within the last couple of days. I really could write a book about it, between my Father being a Vietnam Veteran and the conditions I have, that have never been sorted out. Then there is this my so called family, the ones who are left and the ones who are here. I love them very, very much but they have really hurt me so much.

Last year, I had a Hysterectomy and no one gave a rats arse. My first surgery, had Cancer and that was why they were removing it. Not a soul there except for maybe my Mother and God. (Having a Hysterectomy in same hospital that my Mother gave birth to me 50 or so years ago). And all my family could do is make comments like "we can't do anything". Nevermind there were problems on the operating table with my heart which still keeps getting missed but... Lying there in recovery, as soon as I wake up the man I share a home with asks for money that I don' t have. Can't ask his family.

It has been common theme and I am stopping it. Yay me.

Thanks so much. I have chatted myself silly now. Anyway. Thankyou all again. I really do hope you are doing ok. Be safe.

Thankyou so much. I am still getting navigating the website. Yes. I do feel empowered, I hope this keeps up and I move forward. Thankyou heaps.

@Trissy71

No need to be sorry. I can completely understand the frustrations of trying to get the right medical help. It's a broken system in so many ways. It is great though that you are taking steps to build on your own recovery. I started doing the same thing about 2 years ago so I know both how hard it can be, and also how rewarding.

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@Trissy71 wrote:

Anyway, I have actually taken a mental health day and taking healthier steps to express it. Don't know what come over me. I thought ME was no more. I am around people of whom I don't really matter to and no it isn't depression, they are just toxic and mostly jerks. So, I have forgiven myself, putting me first and guarding my mind.

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It was similar to me. I spent my life trying to be what I thought people wanted me to be, trying to make them happy, and just trying to fit in. Then 3 years ago I got some pretty bad news health wise with being diagnosed with cancer, and so, so few of them were there for me... even family! I had a sort of 'light bulb' moment where I thought 'why have I spent so much time trying to please you people?!' It led me to realise I deserved better and I forgave myself for not always doing what was best for me... not always seeing that I had worth. It was a turning point. Since then, I've gone on to do things I never thought I would, and made some really good friends in the process. I learnt that you have to be yourself and if people don't like it, then find people who will. I've learnt to let go of things that I can't control, like how people see me, and focus on what I can control... like finding supportive friends and family who will be there for me, and that I can be there for them when they need it. Like I said, it's only been about 2 years, but it's made such a positive change in my life. So my advice is keep remembering the real you and never let anyone make you forget it. You are more than good enough for the people that deserve it. I take it from your username that you're a very similar age to me, so it's never too late to start this path forward.

Like you say though, it does take time. But it can start to come together pretty fast after a few wins, even small ones. You definitely have the right attitude and outlook, so continue to trust yourself and stick to those boundaries. And don't see any backward steps as failures. It's not easy for any of us and there's bound to be backward steps and bad days. That's all part of the process and once we realise we have the strength to get through them, it becomes easier to accept those backward steps and move on and start moving forward again.

I wish you all the best in your own path to find the real you. It's so worth it, and you seem to be well on your way. Stay strong. You've got this! Never let anyone make you think you don't! We're always here for support, or just a chat, if you need or want it.