@Tryingtobenough
Sorry she is out of control and overly reactive. Often woman do coercive control and DV. I wish it were more part of the DV conversation. I just know that I dealt with bully girls all my childhood. Swirly whirly girrrls going on about their friendships can be selfish and immature, unless they extend compassion a little. Men felt safer, although with some exceptions. My life was weird.
Maybe, she cannot give what you would love to have... at the moment ... A fundamental approach I have is based on needs ... about what is enough. Pull your weight doing what you feel would be fair in a share house with everyone doing what is necessary for smooth running of the household. Clean up after yourself and do a bit. Dishes for a meal, or the odd bit of cooking. Find balance in the financial realities, and keeping the home functional. That is bottom level essentials. The emotional stuff is icing on the cake.
Find ways of guarding and protecting your heart, as you strengthen and hopefully she does. Not really meaning to give advice from a place of successful marriage. Just a few pointers to simplify after maybe all the internet and hollywood hype we see and read. I did my best and had to leave and been single a long time. I'd love the organic ebb and flow of a good relationship, but getting used to the idea that it may not be in this lifetime. Find your ways of settling and being calm and ENUFF, and maybe schedule in time for YOUR R & R and friendships.
On Marriage
Then Almitra spoke again and said, And what of Marriage, master?
And he answered saying:
You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of your be alone,
Even as the strings of the lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.
From The Prophet (Knopf, 1923). This poem is in the public domain.
