DothemoSenior Contributor
I feel crazy even posting this
Hi Saneforums,
I've been really busy with my studies so I haven't participated in the forums as much as I'd like but I've returned now.
I've been through something that I don't even want to share with my doctor and therapist because I fear they'd think I was psychotic. I feel comfortable sharing it here in relative anonymous manner however. I thank you in advance for any advice.
So I have suffered from Sleep Apnoea since 2012 and have had it treated successfully at home with a CPAP machine. So my doctor ordered a routine "sleep study" in the sleep lab of the local hospital. I was very reluctant to go as I'm freaked out about staying at a hospital. I realised it's for the best as poor sleep can effect mental health greatly and as you know my mental health hasn't been the best in 2016 (but is improving in 2017).
So it basically involves the sleep technician hooking you up with electrodes and sensors over your body, then hooking you up to a CPAP machine and they watch you sleep through a camera and monitor your vitals. It's hard to actually sleep because it's a strange environment and you need absolute trust in the technicians because obviously you're in a vulnerable situation.
So part of my OCD is severe hypochondria and empathy with people that have neurological disorders, empathy that causes me to want to exclude myself from any situation that will make me think about said disorders. Well the technician told me that the majority of patients they have are people with sleep apnoea both overweight and normal weight. But sometimes they have very sick people, people with respiratory disease or motor neurone disease. They want to try to improve their sleep. So anyway my OCD was completely triggered in many different ways and obviously I felt bad about it. I didn't want to sleep in the bed but I confronted my OCD and did anyways with wires all over me. I tried to sleep but kept thinking about the plight of those who may have used that bed before me. Some may have been helpless, it was sad to think about. So I was panicking and my heart racing, it took me two hours to half sleep and I felt trapped by the wires. I wanted to rip them off and run away. My OCD started getting worse and I thought "what if a demon or spirit causes people to have these horrible neurological disorders" and I had a picture of a being with a sad distorted face in my mind. I had further OCD thoughts worrying that such a being would try to attach itself to me. So after a horrible night with these thoughts the doctor came in to do the blood arterial gas test (where they take blood from an artery, yay!) I was able to leave the hospital. I'm just obsessed with these thoughts and am worried. As stated I am worried about sharing this with my doctor, I feel crazy. I said a prayer in the car on the way home to see if it would ease the thoughts.
I had some horrible dream riddled awakenings in the study but just to be clear I didn't hear or see anything that wasn't there.
So I'm wondering what I should do? Is this just OCD? Thanks for any advice.
I've been really busy with my studies so I haven't participated in the forums as much as I'd like but I've returned now.
I've been through something that I don't even want to share with my doctor and therapist because I fear they'd think I was psychotic. I feel comfortable sharing it here in relative anonymous manner however. I thank you in advance for any advice.
So I have suffered from Sleep Apnoea since 2012 and have had it treated successfully at home with a CPAP machine. So my doctor ordered a routine "sleep study" in the sleep lab of the local hospital. I was very reluctant to go as I'm freaked out about staying at a hospital. I realised it's for the best as poor sleep can effect mental health greatly and as you know my mental health hasn't been the best in 2016 (but is improving in 2017).
So it basically involves the sleep technician hooking you up with electrodes and sensors over your body, then hooking you up to a CPAP machine and they watch you sleep through a camera and monitor your vitals. It's hard to actually sleep because it's a strange environment and you need absolute trust in the technicians because obviously you're in a vulnerable situation.
So part of my OCD is severe hypochondria and empathy with people that have neurological disorders, empathy that causes me to want to exclude myself from any situation that will make me think about said disorders. Well the technician told me that the majority of patients they have are people with sleep apnoea both overweight and normal weight. But sometimes they have very sick people, people with respiratory disease or motor neurone disease. They want to try to improve their sleep. So anyway my OCD was completely triggered in many different ways and obviously I felt bad about it. I didn't want to sleep in the bed but I confronted my OCD and did anyways with wires all over me. I tried to sleep but kept thinking about the plight of those who may have used that bed before me. Some may have been helpless, it was sad to think about. So I was panicking and my heart racing, it took me two hours to half sleep and I felt trapped by the wires. I wanted to rip them off and run away. My OCD started getting worse and I thought "what if a demon or spirit causes people to have these horrible neurological disorders" and I had a picture of a being with a sad distorted face in my mind. I had further OCD thoughts worrying that such a being would try to attach itself to me. So after a horrible night with these thoughts the doctor came in to do the blood arterial gas test (where they take blood from an artery, yay!) I was able to leave the hospital. I'm just obsessed with these thoughts and am worried. As stated I am worried about sharing this with my doctor, I feel crazy. I said a prayer in the car on the way home to see if it would ease the thoughts.
I had some horrible dream riddled awakenings in the study but just to be clear I didn't hear or see anything that wasn't there.
So I'm wondering what I should do? Is this just OCD? Thanks for any advice.
