Husband doesn't want kids

@blackrose1 Oh geeze. There are some big hurdles to jump.

All I can offer is that you guys need to find a space and time to get out all your feelings and fears and thoughts. That room will be hostile, harsh, and some things said can't be taken back and will hurt.

It could be that both of you need to navigate life with open minds.

Don't let another 10 years go by. Face the music, have the hard talk.

My best wishes . Stay strong.

Sounds like a very difficult, stressful situation for you @blackrose1 My heart goes out to you.

a few thoughts as possible options that might help and support you

- might your husband be open to speak to a therapist about things?
- if you have a good gp, could the 2 of you talking to that gp be an option

- possibly talking with gp about referral to couples therapy, if your husband is open to that. If he isn’t, possibly talking to gp about referral to therapist for you?

Thanks @Flutterbug9

I have mentioned therapy. I am seeing it for myself and told him I would like us to go as well if he sees fit. He’s at a point at the moment where he is looking back on our relationship and deciding if moving forward is what he wants. I said I will try every avenue to fight for us. We’ve had a lot of hard moments in our relationship. But I feel we’ve always held on and don’t want to lose everything. We are still communicating and hanging out etc. says he wants to get back to being best friends. And then I guess I’m hoping he can reassess us

Hello @blackrose1

My husband and I are child free and have been throughout our relationship.
As others have suggested counselling (individual and couples) would be a good idea.
I guess in my situation my husband has never wanted children and hasn’t changed his mind over the course of our relationship. When I am having a bit of a ‘but do I?!’ moment, I do a pros and cons list which reminds me of why I have chosen to be child free.

Can I ask if you had a discussion about children before getting married?
Were children discussed before your husband had a vasectomy?

I can see how things can be very confusing for you and discussions definitely need to be had especially with no BC or protection currently being used.

Thanks @K8 for the reply.

My husband has an older child. When we first met we discussed children. And both wanted one. He had a vasectomy reversal so we could try. But once he was cleared to try I was going through type 1 diabetes diagnosis - so was very stressful to learn how to manage that and try for a child. so we just stopped while oi got things under control. we then went through some rough stuff a few years ago and I guess this is where he decided he didn't want a child - he thought it wasn't going to happen so I guess decided he didn't want it. but didn't voice this with me. he just assumed because it hadn't happened I didn't want one. I'm quite angry that he decided without me. But our communication with some things hasn't been great. He is now reflecting on all the hard times and deciding if we should continue moving forward. And I guess my hope is getting back to "best friends" and getting back on the same page about wanting a child. He says we tried for a child and it didn't happen - I disagree and say we didn't actively try, and I would like to do that, and then if it doesn't happen id feel at least "we tried". And then there's the no protection so what if it did happen recently. its so confusing...