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Managing thoughts of suicide & self-harm

Is there a light at the end of the tunnel?

Is there a light at the end of the tunnel?

I am keen to hear every bodies thoughts and theories on whether suicidal ideation, depression and anxiety can truly be cured? I have had anxiety since I was around 10 years old (I am 34 now). I have had episodic depression since I was around 29. I have tried every treatment under the sun and finally sought out TMS treatment last year after some intense suicidal ideation. However, the feelings have returned after a year and I feel I am stuck in this feeling. I want to be happy and I want to enjoy life, however, no matter what I do I feel that I cannot get this feeling out of me. I have no plans, just ideation (for the record). I get physically tired dealing with this on a consistent basis and I feel that my mind is in a cloud. I am a religious person, however I feel I am slipping into Nihilism with no way out. I am keen to hear if there is a light at the end of the tunnel because it is so damn hard living with an illness that nobody else can see and that there is no known cure.

2 replies

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In response to: Is there a light at the end of the tunnel?

Re: Is there a light at the end of the tunnel?

hey @humarni 😊

firstly, i really appreciate your vulnerability - thank you for sharing. i like to believe that there's always light at the end of the tunnel, it can just be really hard to find it at times.

i found therapy quite helpful for my anxiety, my psych helped me change some of my core beliefs and work on reframing my thoughts. has my anxiety disappeared completely? nope. but i'm still working on it, and it's become much more manageable. a few years ago, i couldn't imagine working full time or having a social life or even travelling to the shops alone - but now, i'm doing all those things. my life's not perfect, i do have rough times still - but it doesn't overwhelm and consume me like it used to, and i feel like i can bounce back quicker each time.

i've been seeking more hopeful/recovery-focused content (via social media, books, etc) and reading stories and quotes that inspire me has helped me keep going. my phone notes app has a list of quotes that make me feel hopeful, and i look back it whenever things get rough. believing that things can get better is hard, i know i've had times where i couldn't believe it too. i'm sure you've had some dark times that you've pushed through and overcome - i think that's proof that life can get better. things can change. our feelings aren't permanent, and we all have our own pace. there are members of all ages here on the forums, some who found what worked for them much later in life - it can be hard having patience and not knowing when that change will come for you. but i do hope you keep seeking it, because you do deserve a full life 💙

In response to: Is there a light at the end of the tunnel?

Re: Is there a light at the end of the tunnel?

Hey @humarni ,

I can relate to the young-age onset and am also of similar age to you. I can't speak for anxiety, but I've had chronic depression with SI since i was 11. Yep, agree it sucks!

I tried tms last year but wasn't successful for me unfortunately. I am so glad it worked for you though! I recall the doc telling me that if people have a successful first round then they can be eligible for a booster course later if needed - wondering if this might be an option for you if you havent already? (Or, if you have the finance, can be privately paid for).

As for "will it end?" And "is there a cure?"

I really wish i could answer that. 🤔

I think for the vast majority of people it can be treated. And for the smaller minority of people that it persists with (which unfortuantely so far includes myself) can be improved to a degree and then managed to reduce negative impacts and increase quality of life.

I was told for so many years as a teen and young adult "you will get better soon", and over time I didn't - i plataeu'd. And hearing people saying it (no doubt to try to encourage me) actually had the opposite effect; it hardened me to not believe it for many years and feel jaded. It felt freeing when a psych-doc once said i might never fully recover and might just learn to manage it - finally i could move on with my expectations and accept how it was and learn self-management skills. And that was great for awhile. Until i got tired and burnt out from it!

I realise in hindsight that somewhere in between the two statements is true and would have been more helpful. "You can get better, but it.might take a long time, and a really good path towards recovery is learning to self-manage and cope with daily life in the meantime as you continue to find what works to make life livable for you." Thats what i wish was said, and I guess what I'll pass onto you.

( @rav3n its probably my chats with all you peers on here thats added the last part with the push to find a livable solution post-burnout. 🥰 go team SANE)

Here to listen, here to chat, here to support.

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