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Difficult friendship

Whaledone321Contributor23 Nov 2025, 3:39 pm AEDT

Difficult friendship

Hey, I have a friend who I have been close with in the past but we simce went our separate ways. The hard part is I keep wanting to reach out to them just to check on them and see that they're doing OK.

The problem is that I don't know if me reaching out is making things harder and if I'm better off just staying away.

I just feel a responsibility to be there and take care of them. To be an ear they can talk to. But their issues make me feel worse trying to do whatever I can to help.

I don't know. Do I reach out because I want to help or because I want to make sure they are doing OK? Or because I'm lonely and there's no one else I am comfortable being myself with. Maybe I'm a burden to them.

2 replies

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In response to: Difficult friendship

JynxModerator23 Nov 2025, 7:29 pm AEDT

Re: Difficult friendship

Hey @Whaledone321 I can hear how worried you are about your friend, and that you're questioning your intentions around reaching out to them.

It can be hard to know whether or not someone is in the headspace to receive that kind of care - but it is entirely possible that even if they aren't able to engage with a proper conversation right now, it could still be very meaningful to know someone cares about them and is willing to reach out!

You do have every right to protect your own peace, which means that even if you do reach out, you're under no obligation to continue to expose yourself to something that hurts your mental health.

Perhaps you could let them know that you had been on the fence about getting in touch, and let them know why. If you let them know you're worried about them, whilst still maintaining a boundary around what you're willing to deal with if things become overwhelming, as it sounds like they have in the past. You could even express that you're worried about it being burdensome, and your friend can then let you know whether they are keen to keep connecting, or if they need some more space.

Good luck, however you choose to approach it 😉

In response to: Difficult friendship

REDLINEZ750Senior Contributor24 Nov 2025, 4:04 am AEDT

Re: Difficult friendship

my closest friend in life and I have had no contact for over a year now after decades of leaning on each other.

we fell for each other & circumstances saw her BPD split and discard me.

understanding her and knowing what shes been through i dont blame BPD or think it defines her but it still hurts & im only mentioning it from having hope one day she contacts me while accepting she wont.

if your friend is like me i wish i had my friend to talk to again and would respect any boundaries in place so if helps id say lifes short and if you think contact might give wrong message getting someone in common if possib;e to let friend know you genuinely asked after them the feedback might give you an idea if is good idea for either of your sakes.

clear boundarys with an ability to enforce them is a good idea to avoid blurred lines if you do contact @Whaledone321.

as i said my own experience is id be so grateful to reconnect with my person id respect anything even if it meant phone contact only,

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