Hi friend. I'm so sorry you're going through this right now. I experience agoraphobia, too. It's from past trauma, I'm pretty sure. It also comes with not being able to sleep unless I barricade all of my doors.
It's horrific when it flares up, having any unknowns is too overwhelming.
I hope you get to make it where you want to for Christmas. Be gentle with yourself, you're doing your best. Try to stay present if you can manage it, and try not to think about travelling right now, it sounds like you may just need a few days in the here and now taking care of yourself during the flare up.
I'm thinking a hotline could help you come up with some thoughts and self soothing actions to interrupt the intrusive thought patterns. I'm calling the mental health hotline tonight for my own worries. Youtube is also an amazing resource IMO.
I've written a lot down below, it's a mish mash of what helps me, and what may be helpful for you. I'm sorry if it's stuff you're already fully aware of, or doesn't feel helpful. Please know I believe in you, and you're not alone.
I'm learning the difference between pushing away from things because i genuinely need to recharge my flat battery, and when I'm feeding the isolation. It's difficult, but when I isolate I tend to hyperfixate on it and steamroll over the fact that maybe my battery is truly flat.
Am I sleeping enough at night? Am I eating healthily, or at all? Am I hydrated? How long since I've called a hotline or a friend over the phone? These baby steps can help me get out of isolation slowly, because I often forget my brain doesn't work if I'm not doing the above, and it makes the agoraphobia worse.
When it comes to interrupting the unhelpful thought patterns and hypervigilance, well, thats going to take therapy and CBT/DBT. Which I hopefuly have upcoming in January. Its going to be a long road. But i know both of us will make it. You're not alone.
Do you have a friend you can start leaving the house with? Does being driven make you feel safer?
What about fact checking? Does that help interrupt thoughts for you? As in "yes there is a risk bad things can happen to me, but i am doing everything possible to stay safe in my environment outside my home. I.e. I am going out in daylight to safer areas, or even my backyard with a friend - if you have one (a backyard). I am taking a safe form of transport. I know my body and brain are doing their job to keep me safe, but right now it's just because they're doing their job a little too well that I'm feeling unsafe. I know I can fact check and tell the difference. I have my phone and a friend so I can have safety in numbers, and a way to call for help if necessary."
I also try to not watch the news (it might be triggering for you, too?). Too much, or at all. If I do, it's at a very specific time of day. On a day when I'm well and not going to be triggered. And for a set amount of time. I purposely follow good news accounts on social media, etc. I don't follow anything that can catch me while I'm scrolling and frighten me. Although some things do get through, it helps me to avoid being bombarded with the scary world while doing some leisurely scrolling. I also fill my feed with lots of therapy shorts and reels, pet videos, just happy things. It sounds small and silly, perhaps, but with all the time I do clock up scrolling, I figured it may as well be doing me good, or at the best be enjoyable and not triggering, even in subconscious ways. It's so easy to be bombarded with triggers on social media.
There's also grounding exercises, if they help you. I try to do them because of my dissociation from PTSD. They can help if you're hyped up or spaced out. Google will bring up plenty, but it involves engaging your senses and coming back to the present moment.
The flare up won't last forever, and you will get through this I promise.
You can also do a little bit of exposure therapy if you're up to it. Plan an outing. Even if it's for ten minutes - whatever you can cope with, even if its a walk to the mailbox and back, and then push it just a tiny bit longer. Not so you become frightened or spiral or crash out. Just so you feel the fear a tiny bit, overcome it, and return home.
This practuce reinforces my brain that I can do these tasks and I try to keep the therapy up myself, working my brain like a muscle so new neural pathways will form (I can't afford any private psychology or therapy so I use a lot of YouTube psychologists). There are some fantastic accounts out there, like Therapy In A Nutshell. I linked it down below,but this is my first post here on the Sane forums, so I'm not sure if it'll work.
Therapy In A Nutshell - YouTube Channel
This has been my first ever post on these forums, like I said... I apologise if I've written too much, or my reply isn't so great! I hope anything in it is helpful though, and I'm thinking of you and wishing you a peaceful, restful time to come soon during this flare up 🫂
