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Confused and lonely

ConfusedWifeNew Contributor05 Mar 2017, 11:27 pm AEDT

Confused and lonely

my husband of only 2 years was diagnosed with depression about 9 months ago. It's been a very hard and rocky road since then.

he is up and down, but mostly down. He is getting treatment although I'm not really sure that it's helping. He opens up sometimes, but usually only after I have a bad patch and get extremely upset.

he knows he is pushing me away, but feels he is protecting me by doing it. He says he doesn't want me to go, but can't be what I want him to be.

i know leaving isn't the right decision, but I am really struggling to cope, I feel lonely most of the time, confused and helpless. I am a person who needs to fix things, and this it out of my control, the influencers are his immediate family who want him to do everything for them, without gratitude, and he's feeling inadequate and is tired.

My family all live overseas and I don't have any support and sometimes just wish I had a shoulder to cry on, but I don't so I just suck it up, continually trying to understand what is going on, and hoping, just hoping he will start to turn around, but I am yet to see any improvement.

If there is anyone else in a similar situation living in the eastern suburbs of Melbourne, I'd love to hear from you.

confused wife

7 replies

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In response to: Confused and lonely

marchhareSenior Contributor06 Mar 2017, 12:43 am AEDT

Re: Confused and lonely

Hi ConfusedWife, It is Marchhare here, one of the forum moderators. Welcome to the forums. It takes courage to reach out for help and support. I am sure the forum members will take you under their wing and give you support. There is a lot of strenght and wisdom amongst the members.Take care

In response to: Confused and lonely

patientpatientSenior Contributor06 Mar 2017, 10:05 am AEDT

Re: Confused and lonely

@ConfusedWife wrote:

...
If there is anyone else in a similar situation living in the eastern suburbs of Melbourne, I'd love to hear from you.

A suggestion: If you Google "bulk billing psychologists melbourne eastern suburbs" you'll find places that offer psychological counselling. On their websites, you'll see staff lists and photos, and details of their specific areas of interest. Choose someone who specialises in depression and perhaps email them, explain your situation and see if they can help you. The next step is to visit your GP and get a mental health care plan and referral for yourself. GP will need a valid reason to refer you, for example "anxiety and depression and difficulty coping with your husband's illness". (GP should know the correct terms to use). You then get 6 bulk-billed sessions with the psychologist with the possibility of 4 more sessions in one year.

In response to: Confused and lonely

Unknown userMember06 Mar 2017, 3:50 pm AEDT

Re: Confused and lonely

Hey @ConfusedWife

You are not alone, the feelings you are experiencing are common to so many of us.

There are a number of supports available to you including some group programs where you could meet others who understand ...

Grow have Carer programs in Noble Park and Caulfield, this is their link:
http://www.grow.org.au/carer-program/

Wellways have support programs, this is their link:
https://www.wellways.org

This is just a couple of options but there are more.

In response to: Re: Confused and lonely

AppleblossomSenior Contributor06 Mar 2017, 7:29 pm AEDT

Re: Confused and lonely

Hi @ConfusedWife

it is a lot to manage and goes on every day. A few carers get together on the "Hot Choc" thread. Feel free to drop in for social chat, and get to know people on the site.

Good Luck getting good supports in place .. as mnay as possible til you work out what helps.

In response to: Confused and lonely

Unknown userMember13 Mar 2017, 8:29 pm AEDT

Re: Confused and lonely

Hey @ConfusedWife

Checking in to see how you are doing.

Darcy

In response to: Confused and lonely

Unknown userMember15 Mar 2017, 6:48 pm AEDT

Re: Confused and lonely

Hi @Confused wife

Wellways have a carer support group at Ringwood 2nd Wed of the month

https://www.wellways.org/get-involved/whats-on/each-carer-support-group

In response to: Confused and lonely

Bridge79Casual Contributor22 Mar 2017, 11:37 am AEDT

Re: Confused and lonely

Hi there

I read your post and it really matches up with a lot of my life right now. It's just awful to feel so isolated and helpless and I really identified with what you described so i thought I'd reach out. Im in the east too!

My husband is depressed. He has sought treatment and counselling but he is VERY up and down. Last night he told me he hated himself. He has struggled with mental illness for a long time, certainly before we met 5 years ago. He lacks confidence in himself and that seems to be the root of a lot of anger, dependence on the booze and weed, and long long periods where he is sad and not sleeping and uncommunicative. After a long struggle at his work - awful toxic place - he left and started some study but the confidence factor continues to rear its head and he feels like he won't pass, and he's too old to teach new tricks, and this sort of thing.

I love him very much - he is the kindest person I know and I don't want to be without him. But i have started having thoughts of admitting defeat and saying i can't fix this any longer. Like you I want to be supportive but i am feeling so depleted by it.

So yes I am in a simsilar situatiion and live nearby, if you ever want to chat or whatever, just let me know.

Bridge

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