Should I be upset?

Hi @balance37 ,

I just want to say that i've read your post and I feel your hurt and upset. I look forward to hearing the community's insight into this.

I think you are validated in all you feel especially with that being the one person who should know how you would react.

@balance37 my response is same if triggered

i think id want to know what the reason was in this situation mainly to stop rumenation

also with being a stalking victim it may provide some security in you by eliminating any fears that may rise from the many unknowns we can create ourselves.

its also letting them know of the betrayal felt

Phonecall might feel less exposed for you, if good relationship with gp maybe it could help you by talking to them first

@REDLINEZ750 I know the intention wasn't stalking, I think it was more about finding out more information about me? I also know they looked at my facebook because some of the public posts I have there include multiple references to Lacanian and Freudian psychoananlysis and last session they mentioned some quote about psychoanalysis and that was not a coincidence. That's when it really made sense. They must have done a full Google search. But I think it's so wrong. Not to ask first or tell me they would like to see these things to get more perspective on me or whatever. What I spoke to them about isn't enough already? Most of the things I trusted them with no one else knows. I've kept it to myself my entire life. And now looking me up just means I want to share nothing with them and never go to therapy again. At least not with this person.

@balance37 that makes perfect sense.

i have been told on facebiook when it offers friend suggestions that the people it suggests have been looking at your profile and not random at all.

After years of therapy with this person anyone would feel upset.

its a breach of respect whatever the reason, if your able to accept the betrayal without a need to understand the why its a lot cleaner split than confronting them for answers.

end of day no guarentee they honest reply anyway.

Therapy says im confronting when betrayed to project hurt (non physical) onto whoevers responsible so there distress validates my own feelings.

its not seeking resolve when like yourself i already know trust is done.

Still not right people be allowed to breach trust with no accountability while another suffers silently from thier action. especially in a proffesional capacity.

i respect your emotionally able take calmer approach before turning your back.

im sorry that happened to you there behaviour has likely made a transparent clinicians job harder to reach you moving forward and that is bad form.

I’m curious @balance37.…. Do you look people up? I’ll be the first to admit I certainly do! I think we as humans are curious beings. If your on social media and the likes your basically agreeing to allow people to search you up and find out stuff about you. For sure most social media platforms now give you the ability to lock your profile or make it private though.

I found some of my supports online accounts. But sometimes I wonder if when they get given a new client whether they go block us before we even get the chance to look!

but sure, I can understand it might be a bit distressing if it was unexpected.

@Bow I have looked people up of course, but not as a professional who is bound by rules and ethics, including not to search personal information of patients without their consent

I've been thinking about this @balance37 .

As much as the professionals are bound by ethics etc, I think people who post anything online, even here, run the risk of anyone seeing it. That's why when peopel even post on the forums, we have to make sure they know ANYONE can see it. A signup is not needed to be able to read along on the forums. Besides the forums, I don't have any of those social media accounts such as insta, FB, snapchat, X etc. Sometimes it's harder without these accounts but I think I've saved myself a lot by not having these.

Now that I think about it, I don't think it is 'against the rules' to search people up. I'm not sure though.

However, your feelings are valid, and if you think this continues to be a concern for you, do you think you can speak to your therapist about it?

How are you going now anyway?

I see this as an opportunity to work through the upset and resolve the conflict WITH the therapist.

Therapists generally want you to improve under their care and I have quit therapy and "sacked" the therapist several times as soon as the relationship becomes about me venting and them listening to venting and ranting.

Why? Because venting and ranting is the problem in my life, I want my therapist to continually challenge whatever is in my personality that makes me do this.

Why? Because venting and ranting alienates me from other people, and it's improving relationships with other people that will measure my growth from "paying a therapist" into "having friendships that are not trauma bonds nor mutual venting situations".

Now I can understand you might feel angry at the therapist for searching you, but are you also angry that they saw things that you put in the "privacy" of your online output?

I think its both a strength and a weakness of social media that a lot can be read about a person from what they post or do not post on social media. It's a form of expression, and it's a thing that creates disconnection and distraction between close relationships.

As in, when I meet a terrific friend or a potential partner I dont add them on social media. I only want them to be a real life, tangible relationship that shows up in my life as I will show up in their real life: or not. To me, if a person is more interested in updating their online profiles than showing up in my life, I am not a piece of their social media I am a real person and I expect the same from them.

Summary: Yes I feel you have a right to be violated but the question in my mind is "what do you have on social media that you don't want them to see?"....as to be completely open with your therapist is the whole point of therapy............and it's also the hardest part, and the most confusing, but I see it as intimacy training - next time I have a partner, if ever, I will be a lot better at articulating what I need out of life rather than playing a safe role and never letting anyone truly get to know me.