I’M SO VERY TRUELY LOST!!

Hi Everyone,

Im new to this and new to talking about things. However this past year everything in my life has come crashing down on me no matter what I do or how hard I try I loose and get completely destroyed. So here goes. I was married for 17 years until last year. The last 10 years of my marriage I stopped mattering and existing to my wife. She wouldn’t be in the same room as me. She wouldn’t talk to me or touch me. I wasn’t good enough for her or wanted by her. Nothing I did or tried to do was ever good enough. Then Feb last year my entire life came crashing down on me. My eldest daughter ran away from home a completely disowned her family for a boyfriend she had been seeing behind our backs for a month. A she choose over all of us. A couple of weeks later my then wife went in for weight loss surgery I never wanted her to have. As I had this over whelming feeling not only didn’t she need it but it was going to be the end of everything. I nursed her back to health for 8 weeks. She returned back to work to then 3 days of being back at work she then has a heart attack a couple of weeks later a stroke an I almost lost her too. So while dealing with loosing my daughter my wife almost dies on me twice in the space of a few days. So I spend months being strong for her and supporting her through the surgery’s to get the damage fixed and again nurse her back to health. At which point my wife gets the all clear from her doctors and then stamens treating me with utter hatered. We have a fight and I say something so stupid out of anger after telling her that maybe we need a few days apart an why not go stay at her friends and let things calm down she keeps fighting with me an got me to the point I turn around a say “ fine pack your stuff an leave” meaning what if said not 5 minutes earlier about going to her friends. 2am that morning she has her friend an her friends car a trailer and has loaded them both with all they can carry an leaves. While waiting for her notice at her job to finish. She is staying at her friends refusing anything to do with me or to even speak to me. I don’t cry ever but loosing her an the way she was refusing anything to do with me I cried like a baby for months. I begged her to come home I swore I’d do anything she wanted but she just refused anything to do with me. The last words she said to me before I no longer existed to her what so ever was “ I would of left you years ago but I was afraid no one else would want me and I’d be alone the rest of my life now I don’t need to worry about that I don’t want you”. 5 days later she leaves town for her family in Perth without even a goodbye. She’s not spoken to me since. I don’t exist. Then my 2 Sons disowned me aswell to be with their mum. So did people I thought were friends. So I’m entirely alone and no longer exist or matter. I’m not even worth a conversation which my wife has admitted if we had would of saved our marriage an id not be where I am now. 3 months after she left N I was disowned an no longer exist to anyone I have loved sacrificed supported and always been there for. I drive up north to see someone I’ve not seen in years that had just had a baby. Trying to get myself out of the very dark place I’m in. I have a car accident an roll my only car. I end up in hospital busted up and broken. My wife of 17 years partner of 19 years gets told I’ve been in a bad car accident am hurt badly an was being flown to Royal Perth Hospital for treatment. My wife calls me while I’m strapped to a bed with spinal damage a torn shoulder cuts an bruises on my face. Barely able to speak an my wife yells and screams at me and makes the accident all about herself and only caring about herself. Not once did she ask about me. Nor was I worth her seeing being with helping or talking to. I was completely alone. It wasn’t until 2 months later when she called to yell at me because one of her girlfriends saw me with a female friend in town having coffee an told my wife I was moving on with another women that she even bothered to find out how badly I was hurt to again not care one bit. An hasn’t spoken to me since but makes sure I’m always told how happy she is how well she’s doing in Perth and that she’s dating other men. While I’m still entirely alone. Even when she wouldn’t touch me talk to me or even look at me for the last 10 years of her living in our home or being in the same room as me. Always being out and avoiding me I remained loyal and faithful to her an our marriage. An even though she’s done all this to me since she’s left I still remaind loyal incase she wanted to fix things between us an I didn’t want to risk that not happening because I’d accepted all the hurtful an soul destroying things she’s said and done to me an had been with someone. So I remained faithful to her. Unlike her to me. A week after my accident I find out my foster father the only father I’ve known has liver and lung cancer an am dealing with it all alone. So now even if any women actually wanted to be with me which none do. I couldn’t because most days I can’t get out of bed. Everything I try to do do to try move forward in anyway keeps blowing up in my face an destroying me more. I’ve no idea what to do now how to try an date as apparently dating has completely changed in the 20 years I’ve been out of it. I’ve no idea what to do to move forward and move on as I’m very old school

in a lot of ways and not talking about things. This is the first time I’ve ever spoken about personal things a spoken this much. I’m an actions speak louder then words kind of man. An I don’t talk without having something to say. However I’m trying this here because I’ve litterly no idea what to do and am at the end of my rope an having nothing left inside me anymore. I start to get a little of myself back and then something else happens and I loose it again. What am I ment to do? Anyone