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TW: Self harm

Unknown userMember26 Sept 2025, 4:53 pm AEST

TW: Self harm

Hi @avant-garde

Ive been reading your reply to a post which involves self harm.

Thank you! Thank you!! Thank you !!! Your words have helped me make sense of certain things plus there is a possible way out.

you mentioned about writing and writing until the urges stopped. Hope don’t mind me asking, was that the main thing that helped dealing with the urges to SH?

during last time in hospital a nurse asked about the marks on my skin. I felt so ashamed. Too ashamed to tell the truth. I made up reason to stop her asking more questions.

my psychologist knows about my SI and SH, has never provided me with any type of tools to help deal with and work through

im safe

5 replies

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In response to: TW: Self harm

RebelliousAngelSenior Contributor26 Sept 2025, 5:03 pm AEST

Re: Self harm

Hey @Former-Member, hope you don't mind me jumping in here. I know that shame of being questioned about marks and scars from self harm but know that it's nothing to be ashamed about. You're coping in the only way you know how and if you haven't been given the tools or skills to find other ways that work then you're doing the best you can with what you have right now. As someone that uses self harm to cope and has found it a challenge to find other things that work, i understand how hard it can be.

I'm always happy to chat about this and maybe together we can all come up with some different tools that we can try if/when we have these urges.

Hope it's ok to send some hugs your way, you are not alone in feeling this way 🩵

In response to: TW: Self harm

avant-gardeSenior Contributor26 Sept 2025, 5:24 pm AEST

Re: Self harm

Hey @Former-Member

Self harm is something I have battled for almost 30 years, for me it was a constant, but this year marked the 7 years.

I was 16 when I made a conscious effort to stop, my faith spurring me to do this.

I had dabbled in poetry for 8 years and that's how my writing manifested, that my heart bl3d on the page, it's why my writing is so raw.

Yes writing is the main thing that helped me, it helped me get it out of my head and stopped me ruminating.

You don't ever need to be ashamed of how you cope, yes self harm is dangerous and unhealthy but coping is nothing to be ashamed of. You are coping the only way you know how, all it means is that we need to learn other ways to cope.

I'm just going to tag a @moderator to keep what is a very triggering topic for many as safe as we can.

For those of you who are interested, this is the post

In response to: Re: Self harm

Unknown userMember26 Sept 2025, 5:30 pm AEST

Re: Self harm

Thanks @RebelliousAngel

brainstorming with people who have/had the life experience and urges to self harm … sounds great idea. 💛

In response to: Re: Self harm

Unknown userMember26 Sept 2025, 5:44 pm AEST

Re: Self harm

TW: mention of self harm and death

@avant-garde I’ve seen the unhealthy impact that self harm has/had on 2 relatives.

Content/trigger warning

one who lost his life due to years of self harm. The other may not see his next birthday

TW warning box please @moderator

Im happy to give writing a try. Many times I have received positive comments about high level of detail I include in my writing when describing things

In response to: Re: Self harm

tymeModerator26 Sept 2025, 7:57 pm AEST

Re: Self harm

Discussion around self-harm and certainly be triggering for some, yet discussion can also support recovery.

I have not done any scientific research into self-harm, but I can speak from experience.

TW: SH experience

Content/trigger warning

Then along comes ONE psychologist who pretty much said, "If you're going to do it, do it safely." It was the first time I was given permission to use SH as a self-soothing strategy. This permission gave me liberty - liberty to do it, but also the liberty to stop. And yes, it was after this that the SH began to fall away and I didn't even try or notice I was not doing it anymore. It just happened. All those years, I'd tried to stop and I failed. Then eventually, it just stopped. I should comment though that I was recieving thrice weekly therapy sessions at that point (1 MBT individual session, 1 MBT group session, and one 1:1 psychology session).

I self harmed for a good 15-20years. It provided a relief and distraction that I couldn't find in anything else at that time. It was shunned and looked down on by some, others 'freaked out' and others just ignored it. And yes, it did get very serious at one point. With my upbringing, I felt it was a terrible 'sin' to mark my body, and this only made me feel worse. Then along comes ONE psychologist who pretty much said, "If you're going to do it, do it safely." It was the first time I was given permission to use SH as a self-soothing strategy. This permission gave me liberty - liberty to do it, but also the liberty to stop. And yes, it was after this that the SH began to fall away and I didn't even try or notice I was not doing it anymore. It just happened. All those years, I'd tried to stop and I failed. Then eventually, it just stopped. I should comment though that I was recieving thrice weekly therapy sessions at that point (1 MBT individual session, 1 MBT group session, and one 1:1 psychology session).

Then one day, I realised, "Oh, I've stopped!" And I've never gone back. But I do have the marks to prove that this was once part of my life. I now call them my 'battle wounds'.

Our stories are all different, but we all have our own story to tell, whether SH is part of it or not.

All the best with your journies. @Former-Member @avant-garde @RebelliousAngel

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