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Something’s not right

Not sure how to handle this

Not sure how to handle this

I have been diagnosed with OCD and general anxiety disorder, and I suspect that I might have other issues that are undiagnosed.

With my OCD, I don't have the rituals that most people associate with OCD, it's just the uncontrollable thoughts. About 15 years ago I started having some disgusting (but legal) thoughts that weren't my own, I didn't like them, and they repulsed me. However, they weren't the worst thoughts that I would get, so when I'd get the really bad thoughts, I'd divert my thoughts back to this topic as it caused me significantly less distress - after a few months, no distress. My problem now is that I am so use to these thoughts, that they affect my sex life with my wife, I think about them all the time, and I enjoy the thoughts now.

I know that if I acted on these thoughts, that it would fix the issue in terms of my OCD. What I'm really worried about is that I'll like it and want to continue doing it. I've had some less disgusting thoughts that I have acted on and from a mental illness perspective, those thoughts disappeared - but I really enjoyed it.

What do I do? Do nothing and it'll continue to affect my relationship with my wife, or act on it to fix it and have a high risk of enjoying it and wanting to continue doing it.

It also doesn't help that I can't actually do this thing even if I wanted to as I don't have access to it.

2 replies

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In response to: Not sure how to handle this

Re: Not sure how to handle this

Hi @No_Winners

OCD can manifest in different ways. I think I may have mild OCD however it could be part my recent diagnosis that I got just under two weeks ago. It’s the main focus right now.

Do you have any supports to talk to like a psychologist? They can help you with these thoughts and feelings. Also who diagnosed you? Was it a GP or a psychiatrist? If it was your GP I think to get a conclusive diagnostic assessment would be a psychiatrist. My GP has missed my signs due to not being qualified it picking them up. I have other conditions that have been masking my new ones.

I have found it helpful with the new ones as I’ve done a lot of research and it explains so much of my life. My psychologist also has the same conditions and understands fully, she is helping with strategies to be able to work through it.

I know this is my story but I don’t know if it’ll help you at all

In response to: Not sure how to handle this

Re: Not sure how to handle this

Hey @No_Winners,

A warm welcome and thanks for sharing your experiences with the community!

We can hear there are some conflicted thoughts in your mind, like part of you feeling you should not act on the thought as it affects your relationship with your wife, but also part of you would like to act on it as it helps with managing OCD. This sounds really difficult that you feel like you are in the middle of these two options only.

Like @Captain24 shared, as you have mentioned you have been diagnosed with OCD and general anxiety disorder, it would be a good idea to let the professionals (e.g. GP, psychologist) know about your recent struggles, so they can further support you by unpacking this with you and exploring options that may help with your thought and OCD.

I'm sure that the community will have some insights to share with you soon!

 

Take care

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