Fathers Day pain

Hi @john74 ,

I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling down, although I can understand why given what you said and today being 'fathers day'. I know FD can be a painful day for a number of people who have had negative family situations.

I would like to (in a friendly, supportive and hoping to be helpful way) challenge your statement that "obviously i was a useless father to my kids". We can never control how someone else responds to our actions/efforts, but sometimes their responses also may be due to other external factors -- for example, you mentioned your ex-wife (their mother I presume) to be controlling, narcissistic, and threatens/abuses people into doing what she wants. I wonder how much influence she has in this space, that may be distorting their response to you?

Would it help you to remember the good times you had with your children in the past? Perhaps a memory of when you were proud of them? Or a time you spend with them where you know you were a great father to them?

Or would it help to celebrate the happy memories of your own father?

Or we can avoid the topic altogether!

I dont think I've met you before. I can give you a few short things about myself incase any of those topics spark something of interest to you to talk about as a distraction.

I am very fond of animals; I have 2 large dogs myself. And I love the travel. So I particularly love wildlife-viewing travel. 😊

I work in an IT-adjacant field doing business analysis.

I enjoy some plants/flowers, but I am terrible at remembering to look after them myself so my plants are under the care of my green-thumb parent.

I'm not into sports myself, but I'm always happy to learn about sports from someone who is.

I dont like tea or hot coffee, but I like Iced coffee and hot chocolate.

Thanks @AlwaysMyself . I have even discussed my feelings with my mental health counsellor l visit forghtnightly. I still can't understand human behaviour and anger towards others to achieve what.? Maybe controlling vindictive people are deeply insecure themselves and have to keep control of everything and everybody around them.

Just a little about me

• 1 am 50 have no contact with my younger brother or mother since dads funeral in August 2022. But l understand she has moved to Queensland from Melbourne to live with my brother and the home was sold.l live in Regional Victoria my home town you may be able to guess it if l mentioned it's notorious for its cold went winters and occasional snow falls .l haven't worked since mid 2021 having been a dairy farmer for some time and a train driver.

@john74 I have never driven a train beyond lego …. Lol

I have worked on a western district dairy farm from 13 -16 and glad of the experience. Grounding and clarifying some issues around the facts of life for an overwhelmed city kid.

I am finding Father’s Day triggering for the way 2 fathers in my life have been treated. My own father was highly disrespected and died young, and my son has suffered unnecessarily.

… cutting off family has become a very bad fashion these days…imho….

take care and don’t whip yourself too hard… life is hard enough