Darling,
I gotta ask you - why do you want to stay in a relationship that makes you feel this way about yourself? This person's behaviour isn't coming off as open, available, and supportive. There could be the possibility that they are feeling overwhelmed, but believe me when I say your future forever partner will not leave you hanging. They would explain themselves if they need to be excused for a moment. You need to ask yourself a very important question - is how I am being treated the way I want to be treated for the rest of my life? Be honest with yourself, don't cloud a simple question with a million reasons of when everything was good. Because life and partnership is never all good. Times get hard, and who they are to you and how they do or don't show up for you matter so much more than any good time could balance. There are five cognitive behavioural therapy strategies I would love for you to try out: (1) Weed out your automatic thoughts. Automatic thoughts are biased and often skewed. So, ask yourself, "Is what I just thought 0% true or 100% or somewhere in between?" And evaluate what the truth level is of what you are thinking. Thoughts are just thoughts, you can have so mamy and be none of them (ie, thinking about stealing doesnt make you a thief). Decide how much power a thought should have and throw the rest out. (2) Before you write things to people or say things to people, run them through a literal or mental diary - "what I want to say", "what others in the same situation would say", "what I will say". This will let your frustration out in a healthy and consequence free way first, then it breaks up the impulse to send out messages and let you filter out or edit what you do end up saying. (3) do the ABCs - antecedent, behaviour, consequences. Think about what happened before you felt that way that contributed to how you are currently behaving. Behaviours are reactions, they are never isolated. Imagine what consequences can happen if you keep behaving that way instead of adjusting yourself or if you continue to let whatever is effecting your behaviour keep effecting you. (4) Think back to the last time you were happy, what is the difference between then and now? Dream about your tomorrows of a day where you are happy what is the difference between no and then? Adjust your life towards addressing those differences. (5) Write yourself a list regarding your dream future relationship - write three columns: (a.) Things I don't want, (b.) Things I can't live without, (c.) Things I can negotiate. Once this list is made, live it and ask anything that isn't in B or C to leave. There is a really helpful Psychologist on FaceBook called "Pocket Psychologist", look her up - she has a ton of tips to understand your brain and strategies to reign in it when things get hard to control. Brains are very simple processors and with targeted practices one can learn to harness that energy and use it in a productive, less harmful way. I hope as we head into the night that you are home, safe, and find some peace of mind.
