Feeling lost

Hey @Bruce2 , 

A warm welcome and thanks for sharing your experiences with the community!

It sounds like you've been doing your best to manage your mental health struggles, including making sure that you're getting help, but it still doesn't feel like you're coping.

It takes courage to share your experiences with the community, and you are being really brave reaching out to your peers. Remaining hopeful when it feels like things aren't progressing the way you expect, isn't always easy. So it's great that you've come here to talk about it.

We hope that the community will have some insights to share with you soon!

Take care

Hi @Bruce2 good seeing you around these forums and hoping you find some love and support here.

i have and am also suffering from depression, P.T.S.D, anxiety, childhood trauma and used to suffer from panic attacks/paranoia bouts. i also suffered from rage and psychosis, mainly because of the above afflictions.

My ordeal started at 11, after a vicious assault and a near murder, i'm 65 now. So i survived 54 years of depression, anxiety and psychoses, and have often suffered suicidal depression during these times. Though lately i have left those times behind, although depression can be just as unrelenting as ever, i have, and am, learning to keep the negativity of the depression out of my psyche and instead learning to hold onto love for God, self and neighbour.

Amazingly me holding onto, and growing in, love, compassion and the ability to suffer bad life without being overcome by it, has been more and more breaking me free from my past trauma memories, and my life has grown to be much more bearable just over the last 4-5 years, than it has been for the 25 years before that.

Hoping life will also be kind to you down where you so often have to be. And you will also learn to cultivate love and compassion in your heart and mind, so you can overcome the bad life tormenting you. first in yourself and from there spread the love and compassion growing in you to all those hurting bad life down here.

Much love fighting the bad life that has you captive.

i wrote this poem once to myself suffering bad life down in my pit.

@Bruce2 @DownMoreThanUp

It can be hard to learn to love yourself if you have never been shown how to love, especially the mental health side, but not impossible. I also choose to love myself despite the ongoing struggles, and try to model acceptance of my mental health to my family. I take accountability when I have hurt them even when I was unwell.

My childhood involved my angry/melancholy father doing his best to survive/provide after his brother committed suicide when I was one. My uncle was divorcing an abusive wife. I had a strong attachment with my Mum. My nervous system was built around protecting myself from Dad's volatile moods/punishments for basically being a kid when he was trying his best to keep it together (as a girl I didn't get the same level of physical punishment as my brothers, and have just learnt of their trauma). As a kid it was tough, as an adult I gained insight of the situation, and as a parent I forgave him as I hope my kids can forgive me too one day. Life is tough but you do your best. Before Dad passed he asked if he'd done a good job as a parent, I said yes without hesitation as you did your best. Everyone has to live life with their struggles. I can relate to yours.

I'm neurodivergent too, diagnosed depressed/anxiety/panic attacks, hospitalised for psychosis, diagnosed bipolar, hospitalised for burnout/suicidal/PTSD following coercive control by ex husband.

Welcome, we understand you

do you have any technics to start loving yourself ?

Therapy today said i have lots of things to work on lets put them in baskets and start with one.

may i ask does anyone read up about a diagnosis like adhd just to try and understand better ?

Hi @Bruce2,

Thank you so much for reaching out - this is a great question.

I think that acknowledging the thoughts and asking for help is a really positive first step. Safety Planning can be very helpful as well, so that you have strategies to turn to when these thoughts arise. You can follow the Beyond Now Safety Planning app here: https://www.lifeline.org.au/get-help/beyond-now/create-your-beyond-now-suicide-safety-plan-online/

You can also talk to Lifeline for further support when you are feeling this way and they can help you with safety planning. Suicide Callback Service are a wonderful option too: https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/

Something that can help to reduce these thoughts overall is looking at the underlying feelings/experiences that may be contributing to a sense of heaviness or overwhelm. Therapy can be really helpful for this, going to a support group, or chatting to us here. You can always visit your GP for a mental health care plan, which will involve supports and any relevant medications. I hope this helps a bit! ☺️

Please let me know if you have any further questions, and really great work reaching out today. 💪💛

Hi @Bruce2,

Sorry to hear you're having a hard time. I think I have all the same conditions as you, minus the autism. Everyone's experience is different, but I'm sure I can relate with you on many levels. I know the feeling of being lost all too well and know how unsettling it can be.

There's probably plenty of hints and tricks people can give and stuff that can be done over time to move forward, but for now I just want to let you know you're not alone. There are others of us that understand what these challenges can be like. I hope that helps.

I'm also pretty new on here and have plenty to work through. I've posted a couple of times on here and found it helps a bit. It doesn't magically solve or fix anything. It just kind of helps to know that other people understand the experience and care enough to respond with encouragement or even just a different perspective sometimes.

Happy to keep chatting. I hope the intensity of what you've been feeling simmers down sooner rather than later.

@Bruce2

How have things been since you first posted? I hope there's been some moments of relief!

Have you been up to much this week?