Seeking stories of hope

Hi, first of all I am so very sorry to hear about your struggles and journey. I hope sharing my story can help you reignite some hope and not feel so bleak about the future. There are definitely gaps in the system that some specific individuals fall through the crack and we can only hope that things will improve and do what's within our ability. I know there are some psychologists that do bulk billing for individuals who struggle financially and whilst friendship doesn't replace therapy but it offers support and can help uplift you in tough times.

A bit about my journey: I was diagnosed with Bipolar almost 3 years ago, 1 manic episode (with psychosis) and 2 depressive episodes later, it took about 2.5 years for me to feel really optimistic about the future again, i am now working 3 days a week and studying a masters of mental health in the hope that I can speak in the space of mental health and health care professionals (i work in healthcare industry) in the future to raise awareness and provide encouragement for those who feel like they are struggling. it hasn't always been easy, there were times that I felt like things will never get better and that I will just be a burden on society for the rest of my life. but it is not a final sentence, the diagnosis doesn't define who we are and beyond our symptoms and recovery journey we can still live a productive life and feel good after everything, maybe you need to find a passion project that you can channel your energy into and keep yourself busy in a positive way?

Would love to keep this conversation going, sending lots of love from Queensland!

Hi @Stacy89 and thanks for responding

Yeah I've heard rumours of bulk billing psychologist but try as I might, I just haven't been able to track one down myself. I just got referred to a psychologist for trauma therapy and the costs of that have been a huge punch to the gut. They cost $300 a session, said I'd need to see them every fortnight, and therapy would take a minimum of 12 months, most likely two years. Any less than that and the therapy would be useless. Also pointed out that I desperately needed the therapy or I won't recover. Then went on to explain that for a fee, they can help me apply to the NDIS, and if I can get through, I can access the therapy. If I dont get the NDIS I just can't access it. Honestly felt like more of a sales pitch than health care. Not saying they don't care or not trying to help. Just puts an uncomfortable tone on it, makes me feel unworthy of treatment and a little less trusting of the whole thing.

I think a passion project is a valid point. I've tried quite a few hobbies over the years but I haven't been able to maintain them. Always seemed like it took way more effort to keep it going than I got out of them. I also started studying a bachelor degree last year in science which is something I wanted to do, but the pressure got to me and I deferred out near the end of the first semester this year. My grades were great but the pressure of all the assignments was so overwhelming. Maybe it'll take some further attempts and fine tuning to find something that gives me something to care about and work towards without completely burning me out.

I think it would be helpful to find something to do that I enjoy, gives me a sense of purpose or even just a distraction. I find it difficult to find joy or pleasure in anything at all, have severe anxiety, especially out in public, burn out really easily and get physical injuries really easy. Injuries like torn muscles etc (i suspect years of constant anxiety and insomnia has just made my body fragile, just my own personal theory). I would like to hear if there are any suggestions of activities or what not that start off really gentle, really low commitment and can grow from there.

What an amazing thread @StillTrying @Stacy89 ! Thank you so much for reaching out.

I hear how hard things have been for you for a long time so it is understandable when those glimmers of hope start to waver and disappear.

I certainly have my own story of survival.

I was diagnosed with a range of mental health challenges from by late teenage years. Over the next 10-15 years, I really really struggled to stay alive. Each day was touch and go.

I went from psychologist to psychologist, psychiatrist to psychiatrist, therapist to therapist but there was no movement. If anything, I got worse and worse - to the point where I truly believed that each day was my last.

I've always struggled with chronic suiciality, and the repercussions of this really affected me.

By this time, I'd had so many hospital admissions but it was like in and out for me with no change.

In my 30s, I finally gave up on trying. I decided to just go.

At the same time, I was admitted to a mentalisation based therapy (MBT) clinic (an outpatient program). I was suprised I got in because the wait lists were so long back then. I decided to give it a go because if I didn't, I'd be doomed anyway.

Soooo... long story short, between this 1.5 year therapy and PARC admissions, there was a turning point. One clinician said to me, "You are the author of your story. If you don't like it, change it. Only you can chnge it". From here, it was a lightbulb moment. I put in everything into the MBT treatment. It was hard, but it was worth it.

At first, I didn't see any change, then towards the end of treatment, I reflected back and realised only how much I had changed since the beginning fo treatment.

Fast forward, life couldn't be better. My life is truly amazing now. It's not without sorrow, but I'm in such a good place that I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Keep on hoping @StillTrying @Stacy89 . It's worth it. Sometimes, it's not about trying harder, but trying something different.

Hi,

Bit of a mixed review for you in regards to hope, lol.

The Hope side of things – The last time I wrote on this forum, I was in the psych ward.
Today I’m 121 days sober, after 25+ years of really heavy drinking. It sure as sh*t has been a roller coaster, but here I am—alive. I’ve lost weight, my liver is back to normal, and although I still have a few health issues here and there, overall I’m about 80% better off. [edited by moderator]

The Bad side – I’m now learning to deal with all my problems sober, which is why I started drinking in the first place: BPD, ASD, ADHD, anxiety, depression… blah blah, just like the rest of us. Even on the disability pension, I find it extremely hard to find a psychologist or psychiatrist who bulk bills. I’ve had a lot of interaction with the HOPE team (have a Google), and to be honest, I didn’t get a whole lot out of it. The bottom line is (at least in my mind, after 40-something years of life): in the end, we are the only ones we can really count on. Obviously, with forums like this and the support of a few rare people in life, it makes it that little bit easier.

Conclusion – There is help out there, even for those on a low income—it’s just hard to find. Good luck, my friend. You’ll be okay.

Hey @Shift83, thanks for sharing your experiences with the community!

It's so amazing that you are 121 days sober today! Congratulations and well done ✔️ I can really relate as I was a heavy drink too and been cutting down naturally for some time and barely drink now. It''s quite an acheivement to get rid of that coping mechanism and face your challenges head on. I am sure you feel better to with the weight loss and working through your health issues.

I hear a lot in the community and from people I support that is tough out there to get to see bulk billing psychologists and psychiatrists. It can be really hard for people to afford and particularly if you are on the DSP. Sorry to hear that you didn't get too much out of the HOPE team and it sounds like you have built up some good resilience in your recovery journey.

I'm really glad that you have found the SANE Forums and I hope you do get a lot out of sharing your experiences with the community and hopeful using your experience to support others too.

It might be helpful for you to know about the SANE Guided Reovery program that is 15 weeks of support with either a Peer Support Worker or Counsellor. It is free and available to the whole of Australia!

If you are interested check out the Guided Service here - Welcome to SANE’s Guided Recovery and decide if you want to pursue it. Whenever you are ready, you can chat to SANE’s mental health support workers who can assist with a referral, simply call 1800 187 263 or chat on the webchat at sane.org and let them know that you were referred from forums. They can help you with questions and check things like whether you have enrolled before or not. They're available 10am – 8pm Mon-Fri.

Thanks again for sharing your experiences with the community!

Take care

RiverSeal

Hi @tyme ,

Thanks for sharing. It's good to hear that someone can go through the same thing of years and years of trying and finally be able to turn things around. That's what I've been striving for and hopefully I can get there too.

I've tried so many different therapies and medications and approaches over the years. I'm hoping I'm only one more 'different thing' away from getting there myself.

I'm in my mid 30s now and have spent my entire adult life trying to get to that meaningful turning point. Hopefully I get there soon.

Hi @Shift83

Thanks for sharing. Congrats on your sobriety. I have been sober for nearly a year and a half after years of daily drinking just trying to cope.

It is a big achievement to put down the bottle after self medicating for so long, but you're right about it making you have to face your problems. I don't know if you can relate, but I have crippling social anxiety and alcohol was really the only thing that worked to let me interact with other people. Now I'm more socially isolated than ever before. Finding a way to deal with the social anxiety will be a massive step forward. Just don't know how or where to start.

I hope you make really good progress in dealing with the underlying issues that led to your drinking. Please do share the progress you make. I'm sure it'll be really helpful to hear how you get through it.

Wishing you all the best!

Morning!

Oh beleive me I do understand, to a point I can't even catch a train/bus anymore. Started a job, and the anxeity was so bad I had to leave.

Really getting over it, and it seems to be the one thing that would push me back to drinking. Lucky I'm stubborn and won't let it win.

Day by day though, actually yesteray was a really bad day. I came on here to write, but then ended up replying to this thread. Funny how it works.

Enjoy your sunday.

It's good tho her that you made a decision to prioritise your MH @Shift83 and not stay in the job if it was causing you anxiety. You are demonstrating your resilience by being stubborn and sticking to your sobriety. I encourage you to continue to share wiht the communtiy and pop in when you need. Take care RiverSeal

@StillTrying its extra difficult juggling with mental health issues on a low income. I can say, persevere, and you are worth it. I have paid large amounts, since the early 1980s. Personal agency is important in finding pathways and modalities that suit you. I am growing more disappointed in the industries, so don’t want to give false hope. I thought $190 - 240 were standard fees for psychologists these days, so $300 is a rip off. I would want a blooming good reason to justify it.Yes, the lack of bulk billing is troubling for people supposedly caring for other people. I know cost of living is tough. Cough cough. Keep looking though, and mostly honour your own commitment to showing up for the work. Don’t give all the credit to the practitioners.

welcome to the forum all

@Shift83 @Stacy89