Am I controlling?

Welcome to the forums @Free_Love,

It sounds like a challenging spot to be in. I'm sorry to hear how painful this is for you.

It's clear that you care about this relationship, and having this attitude around wanting to better understand your behaviours and make changes is a good start. Have you considered couples therapy/counselling? It seems like you don't necessarily agree with her statement around your behaviours being 'controlling', and perhaps getting a professional to discuss it with can help get a fresh perspective on this.

Although we don't intend to hurt others, sometimes the way we speak may be perceived differently by others. If you're interested in getting some advice around your relationship, you can also reach out to Relationships Australia. They have some resources on their page and you can also phone them to have a chat.

1. Hi there. I am sorry you’re hurting. I think you need to sit with your wife and ask her nicely to give you examples of how she feels you control her. If she sees that you are interested in knowing, and possibly working on whatever it is, you may be able to save your marriage. My husband comes across as controlling sometimes because of the way he say things. I have come to realise that his intentions are different to the “way” he says it. He is working on it, and I’m learning not to take it personally, instead, ask him in the moment to please explain. Hope this helps. God Bless your marriage.

We often are controlling, not in a bad way, me mine have safe words, when we feel overwhelmed, try a reset, try to explain to her, somewhere neutral, somewhere fun tho, where it comes from, and be honest, my 2cents, works for my partner but she has dealt with crap, ask her to be the strong one, a true partnership is give n take

hi @Free_Love i doubt you are controlling, because i think cotrolling ppl don't realise they are being controlling

maybe she feels like she doesn't have power in the relationship and is struggling to be heard

controlling people often think they are pussycats and sweet and soft

my dad is very violent but also would perceive himself as the opposite with a whole lot of justifications that others push him to be this way

as long as u own your side and dont blame her for what you do i'd say ur not conntrlling

Thank you that's a good point to own my actions and not blame her because sometimes I do it when I get frustrated.