Spiritual bypassing and therapeutic or wellness communities

this reading on spiritual bypassing is pretty interesting! i didn't know the term til now, but i've actually had conversations with my mum about this before too and we both had some many different views on it. @Appleblossom

i know some people who do follow the ideas around spiritual bypass, and it helps them cope and move forward. whereas for others, it can have the opposite impact. i guess it comes down to finding what works for you?

Except for the fact that harm occurs @rav3n. Eg being fobbed off the first time I mentioned my father’s death when I was a child, and told to be happy that he is in heaven. For me it has occurred a lot in Christian traditions, even though the concept emerged in a Buddhist context.

oh yes, i was thinking in terms of individual recovery and getting ourselves through tough times as adults @Appleblossom. i definitely agree that telling a child or anyone that they 'should' be happy, or should have any particular emotion, can be harmful.

personally i don't like 'telling' others what to feel/think, but i do think there's a gentle way to offer other perspectives and let people choose what works for them.

my dad's one of those people who don't like to 'sit with' and talk much about sadness, pain, etc. he likes to keep things positive, and it helps him function better that way. whereas i need to be able to sit with it, label those emotions and process it to be able to move on. i don't force my ways onto him, and he now knows (after many years of conversation) that his way doesn't work for me.

it can be tricky in community spaces when we're all going through our own challenges, and have our own views, cultural/religious backgrounds, different upbringings and experiences, etc. i guess that's where keeping an open and curious mind helps, and ensuring we communicate what we want/prefer/need from the community too. thanks for sharing the article on spiritual bypass, i'll definitely be sharing this article with my mum too.

This is such an interesting topic @Appleblossom and @rav3n - thank you both for sharing your experiences and perspectives 😊.

I didnt know this term 'spiritual bypassing' but as I was reading it i could easily recognise it as something I've contemplated a number of times over the past year with my interactions with a friend.

I have a friend who found buddhist teachings around impermanence as well as a stoic-approach to life very helpful for him during his tough times. And out of that mindframe he will sometimes give me short 'encouragement' about how things will pass, etc. I know (and try to focus on) the intent of wanting to be supportive - and this just being how he knows to be. But it also doesnt help me - partly due to the chronic nature of my illness that does not pass 😅, and partly because I feel it closes a door to discussing/processing what I'm feeling.

But thankfully I have other friends who I do feel I can discuss/process how I feel occasionally (especially for less serious matters), so I can still balance it out a little.

Im really sorry for your experience @Appleblossom . I know from what I have seen myself some Christians handle mental illness really well and constructively, and others are so damaging in how they either dismiss or demonise it. 😪 thankfully my Christian supports during my youth were positive, but ive known others who were demonised and blamed for it 😭. My hugs to you.

Maybe my explorations of meditation, Buddhist and Raj yoga and Christian practices and theology are forms of spiritual bypass…. As in I am very broad minded and interfaith oriented….

anyway thanks for reading @AlwaysMyself @rav3n

I hope you don't mind me commenting here @Appleblossom.

I know I was not tagged.

I found the article very interesting

I am trying to understand more about spirituality that is different from mine

I suppose because I don't have formal or institutional spirituality - sorry, I don't know the correct terminology. I kind of haven't really thought of my spirituality as being spiritual, it's just part of my life without kind of realising it.

Of course I don’t mind you responding @Till23 I love having conversations about this stuff.

I thought most new discussions don’t need much tagging, and that if people feel drawn to respond, they can and it flows organically from there. Lately some people have asked not to be tagged. Sometimes people like @Shaz51 tag heaps of people, but that is mostly to make a general warm inclusive vibe. It’s also maths and probability. More tagged, more chance of active involvement. There is no single correct way.

I sense you as very spiritual, with your connections to country and social advocacy work. Yes, you seem grounded in culture and family background and history.

I guess the bypassing bit, is to encourage awareness of how spiritual ideas may impact or be harmful if not given in the right way. I really believe intention matters. We can’t get it right all the time.

Thank you @Appleblossom

I am aware that some people do not like tagging and I don't tag more than the person I am replying to very often.

I am trying to be even more mindful of posting on threads lately.

In my opinion, I think there is a difference between spirituality and religion. Some people appear to be both. I have been harmed by religious people, but less so by spiritual people.

I think there is a definite cohort of people who have been harmed by religious people and then further traumatised by the cover up (or attempted silencing, often with good effect, especially in the past) of that harm. Anyhow that is one of my perspectives

@Till23 in my experience, a lot depends on how the individual is delivering their message and the context, religious or spiritual.

Yes, spirituality and religion are different, and a religious person without a deep spirituality, or not done inner psychological work can do harm. However, I remain grateful to quite a few religious people who did deep inner work and didn’t push in a bad way. I tend to get on better with those trained in ministry, theology or pastoral work. I preferred their commitment, more than many laity, who just applied what suited them to others, Willy nilly. Anyway that is my gratitude practice, but don’t get me wrong as an apologist for bad applications of religion. I have submitted to various enquiries and commissions, as a person with 2 generations of institutional CSA.

At the moment I am dealing with a lady who pushes her spirituality on me, Eg, guilt, karma, past lives, and I see her as not well educated in it,

and not really in a position to make the statements she makes about me. I am trying to gently work on boundaries with her, Eg I statements, and differentiation. I have looked into all that stuff over the years. She has many good qualities, so I don’t want to throw the baby out with the bath water…

She is why I went back to researching spiritual bypassing, then I thought it could be relevant here on the forum, due to the similarity of well being communities.